Unsettling Fear

Dear Jesus, help me, I need help. I don’t know what to do. Please, I need You. Right now I need You. I can’t do this. I might embarrass myself. I’m scared.

Fear is a common denominator.

Fear drives behavior. Fear holds people back from being all they could be. What would you do differently if you weren’t so afraid? Think about it for a minute. What would you do if you weren’t so afraid to do it?

Fear is a form of opposite or oppositional vibes. Fear derails trust and welcomes doubt. Fear holds you hostage. Fear makes you feel less-than, incapable, or stupid. Fear drives your behavior in an uncomfortable way.

You can change the trajectory of your life by countering fear and its lies by thinking on what is true. The truth about yourself is that you are good enough and worthy. God made you worthy and capable like He did the rest of us.

Fear is often the emotion behind self-defeating thoughts. When it grips you, you can call it out, “I feel fearful.” Then you can calm yourself with a countering message. “I can do this. It’s fear telling me that I can’t.” That’s what I do and it helps more often than not.

God is in Control

Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8

God has not given you a spirit of fear. He has given you a sound mind. Fear isn’t from God. God’s words can help dismantle fear’s grip on your mind and emotions to set you free of fear’s effects. It takes recognition of this fact, that fear’s having its way with you, and then having a counter response at the ready.

It can be as simple as saying “Help me, help me, help me” or “In Christ, I can do this.” You can get yourself all in a tizzy over things that are scary to you but are beyond your ability to control. That’s a waste of energy, but it happens. I should know, fearing the worst comes naturally to me.

God says, “Trust me.” Fear can’t ruin your life when you choose to give your troubles to God. He will help you. Fear can be an ongoing problem and sometimes you will get anxious. But fear doesn’t own you. You are in charge of your life. Need some help? Call on Father God. Ask Him to give you the words, thoughts, or answers.

There are levels fear just like there are levels of love. But sometimes a person can be in bondage to fear to the degree that it controls their mind, outlook, and self-perceptions. A coworker friend once gave me a booklet written by Norman Vincent Peale that had verses to memorize to counter the effects of the message of fear. I thought it especially effective.

You can think of verses of peace, trust, and hope. Write them down. Pray them out loud. Say them every day until they are imprinted in your mind. (This works well) Cause yourself to relax as you say them slowly and as many times as is helpful.

This is a start, there are many ways to address the bondage to fear that may overshadow your life. If this is you, don’t run from it, instead, run to answers.

At the Ready

Fear tries to master you until you counter it with a message of truth. At least, that’s how it works for me. I’ve trained my mind to trust in Jesus by picturing myself leaning on His Everlasting Arms. That picture helps me relax until my heart stops pounding. You come up with your own go-to protocol; a picture, verse, or sentence that you can recall when fears beset you.

One note: This post is not about major dangers. Some fears are magnified by real life situations that are fear inducing because of the danger factor. In that case, you need good counsel, an out, and prayer warriors in your corner, especially if any harm could come to you or you have to face something very unpleasant. I felt unnatural fear when I had to go to court in a custody battle. The presence of evil was real, the confusion was of the enemy. I needed prayer and my church family, friends, and my extended family were all praying.

Anyone can change their go-to reaction.

Life can catch us unawares and that’s how it was that day. The day was a normal day in all respects. I’d completed my quiet time, spent an hour on social media, which means posting and connecting on my Twitter and FaceBook author/writing pages to create presence, connections, and a platform. My mind was full with my plans for the day.

My Concern

I’d had a big concern for someone I can’t give you the particulars about. That morning I was extra burdened and discouraged. I was worried and fearful that the person’s choices were leading to greater heartache and could become self-destructive and dangerous (not illegal). I am a trusted person in this individual’s life. I truly didn’t know what to do and was weary with its taxing burden.

Let me explain. The ‘taxing burden’ stemmed from a belief that says you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and that a person won’t change until they want to change and wants to change bad enough to do the hard work it takes to change. I wasn’t seeing this ‘want to change’ in her. All I saw was blaming and excusing.

I had lost sight of the truth of my mission in life, to see every person in my path as someone to love. Sometimes we get weary in well-doing. We wonder what’s the point.

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. –Galatians 6:9 KJV

Missed Opportunities

While thinking about all this, the Lord spoke in my spirit. “You’ve missed opportunities with ‘this person.'” The message was saying to me, you are missing opportunities to be salt and light to this woman and her children. It startled me. I wasn’t expecting that. I’d sort of been frustrated with the situation, not knowing how to reach her in a meaningful way. I’d allowed myself to ‘fail’ at being who I needed to be to this daughter of the King.

Thinking it Through

The rest of the day I couldn’t get it out of my head. As always, to see the thing with an objective lens, I looked at my back trail, what I had done and what I had not done, and where I had missed opportunities. Suddenly I understood how I could minister to her differently, where I could step in and not miss opportunities, and why I should put effort into her life and her family’s life.

What to Do

Most of all, I knew God was in it. He had prompted me. He had shown me my lack so I might be refreshed and revitalized in helping her. That day I set about making a list of ways I could bless this woman and her family, without any expectation of getting something in return. I committed myself (that always helps) to doing certain activities that would show her she is loved, special, and valued. I would trust God for the rest, for Him to do what only He can do.

How It is Going

The first thing I did was make a home cooked meal for her and the family and took it to them. It was appreciated. When Covid-19 entered the picture, I couldn’t do the things I had planned, other than phone conversations. But the thing is, I now know I don’t want to miss any more opportunities. Hence, I’m focused rather than frustrated.

Two Other Regrets

I missed two other opportunities this past year, where I thought of reaching out but didn’t. One was with a childhood friend I had finally located on FaceBook. A couple months later her husband posted that she had passed away. O my heart. How sad I felt. I’d never sent her a private message or said anything personal to her, which I regretted immediately.

The other is with a younger person, a relative, who worked near where I live. She is now moving out of the area. My heart sank when I read her announcement a couple of days ago. She has been on my mind a lot. I’d been thinking I should invite her for lunch or take lunch to her. Basically, that I should connect with her and develop a closer relationship. But I didn’t do it though I hoped to soon. Actually, I was planning to when Covid-19 interrupted life.

No Regrets

I say all this to share with you that we should act on the promptings, not ignore or put off doing the things our mind tells us we ought to be doing. Otherwise, we may miss important opportunities to reach out to others in our path who may need the acknowledgement and care.

Sooner than Later

Time is short. We never know when the opportunity will pass and the regrets will come. Write that email. Call them. Send a card. Meet for lunch. Get together (once we can). Just do it.

Photo by NordWood Themes, Unsplash