It was strange. I was at my husband’s high school ten year graduation party, but he left me alone. We went home, went to sleep, but the next morning he was gone (I thought he was at his work). Later that day I realized he was gone, although his truck was still there. My parents came over, and his sisters came over. We stood in a circle and my father led us in the Lord’s Prayer. I was afraid, for my husband was often depressed and sometimes suicidal. That was the start of making our way by myself though I often thought of my husband.
There were many interesting and difficult moments during the next two months. I thought through everything. I wondered what would happen to us. I worried about my two children. I didn’t have money, not much that is. I went to the bank to see where we stood…and my friend from school waited on me. She told me she had helped my husband (before he left). I went to a Christian lawyer who was in my church, He gave me excellent advice, and never charged me. I kept waiting for the bill, but it never came. I cried and then thanked God. I saw a couple of older than me friends and they commiserated. My brother came over and talked about my situation while we watched the children play outside. I remember how lost I felt during that time.
Juanita (my sister) and Kirk were in the States for the year of visiting their mission supporters. Kirk said he would be willing to fly to Florida to try to find my husband. By then we knew he was in Florida. He bought a bike and rode it out to Florida. So my BIL went out to Florida, found my husband, and gave me the details. I arranged a trip out there, and took off. Mother took care of my children. In Florida I stayed with some friends of Kirk’s. Then I met my husband. He looked different. He’d lost weight. He looked sad. He seemed glad to see me. Later, we rode on his motorcycle to the airport. I watched him out the window and wondered if I’d ever see him again. He wanted us to move to Florida, but I thought that would be a poor choice. I knew then that if I ever saw him again it would have to be God that would bring us together.
Like a couple of months later, he came home. It was a tough time. He found some restaurant work and I was soon pregnant again. It was quite the pregnancy. My security was gone. But life must go on. I gave it my best shot. We did not have much money. The kids each got a homemade stuffed bear for Christmas. That was it. I couldn’t talk about the way it was. In fact, it’s hard to write it down for you just how sad it all was. You see, I didn’t want to work. I wanted to raise my own children. I truly wanted to be with them. I didn’t want them to be raised by anyone else. I loved them with a mother’s heart.
There was good stuff too. My third child, Thomas, was a delight. He didn’t give me hardly any problems, and he was a happy baby. I loved my three children. They were so much fun. We lived on Hwy. 99, right next to the road, heading north out of Chico. We lived there until we moved to the Greenville area, in the mountains. Greenville was a great place. We lived in the valley on the beautiful mountainside just a mile or so away from the town. The church there was small and quaint. I loved it. The Hamars, both families, lived there and attended the church. We had known them when they lived in Chico. Some friends, the parents of my sister, brought us wood for our wood stove. Our neighbors, from the church, brought us some blankets to help keep us warm. People were good to us.
I learned a lot during those tough years. I remember thinking that my first seven years of marriage were hard and difficult when they should have been easy and happier. Yet, I learned to trust in God for He knew our future and kept a hand on our present. I learned that we are stronger than we think we are. We don’t think we have much, but God does. He will see us through. He has enough. God has given us what we need, when we need it. I had to learn a few things. I had to quit comparing my life to others. I needed to learn to keep trusting God when the times were rough and uncomfortable. I learned to keep a handle on my emotions…and I am still learning this one. I wanted to learn what God wanted to teach me. This is still true. There is so much to learn and do. Open your life to what God wants to show you. It’s quite transformative. The nice thing is that there is more and more that he wants to show you. We have to learn to keep the door open. For when our door is open, he graciously brings things to pass. Over and over again he brings things for us to consider and try, and then bring to pass. We have such a wonderful God.
