Guest post by Crystal Mayfield
The feet!
The feet! I should have been holding her hand, but I gave that place to my dad and my grams (her mom). Why did I do that? They got to hold my mother’s hands as she lay dying. That should have been my place, but the caregiver in me put everyone else first, made sure they were well placed and taken care of, as I’ve done for my patients’ families my entire career.
“Hold their hand, hold onto their hands,” I tell them, “You will feel them leave. It will comfort you to know beyond all doubt, that they are no longer here.”
Where did that leave me? At her feet. AT HER FEET!!! My mom, my confidant, my best friend . . . my world! She lay dying and it left me at her feet.
She was counting on me to take care of her. To fight for her. To make people do it right! To not disappoint her. She trusted me. She always trusted me.
It should have been my place to hold her hand. To feel her leave. I felt cheated and angry in that moment for caring for others instead of myself. For giving up that place of honor.
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Then one day, as my soul erupted in earth shattering weeping and deep primal groans, reaching far into eternity . . . God revealed it to me.
My child- you were not cheated. You were not left at her feet. You were placed – divinely placed at her feet. To ground her. To bear witness to her journey. To have the honor of feeling, not just her leaving as you would holding her hand – but to have the privilege of feeling her final step from this earth into her eternal home.
You cared for her so completely. To have journeyed with her all the way home! My precious child. I knew one day you would understand that she would have wanted it that way, and you would need it to take your next step without her.
So never underestimate the importance of the feet. They are not the bottom, lowly place you think they are. They are the foundation of everything. They are what grounds us, ties us to our roots. Carries us on our journeys to our final destinations.
I placed you exactly where you were meant to be. Remember, I too was placed at the feet. It was a gift you were hurting too much to receive, but now you can embrace it. I saw you. I heard your soul’s deepest cries of pain and I enveloped you with love. My precious, precious child. I was standing right there with you. Your feet will carry you to that healing place. Trust the journey. Trust me, and take another step.
Crystal Mayfield
September, 2015
Note from the Crystal Mayfield:
That piece came out of a meltdown the other night. I was in physical pain, home alone and really missing mom and as I cried out to God, all that I felt were three words~ at her feet. From those three words God inspired the rest.
Note from Norma Brumbaugh:
Crystal Mayfield is an online friend of mine. I first saw this writing of hers on a FaceBook post. I asked if I might share it with you. She graciously granted me permission to do so. I’d like you to know something else about Crystal so that you might pray for her. Crystal was in major accident two years ago, and it is not easy for her. The recovery has not gone well and she is in constant debilitating pain. After you read this, please say a prayer that the pain may ease and her body may heal. Thank you.
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How has God changed your perspective about something in your life?
