Category Archives: GENERAL INTEREST

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In Search of Authentic Christianity: A Protestant Crosses the Church Divide

Some of you know that I’ve been writing a book that has a monastic flavor to it. I spent a year making weekly visits to a Trappist monastery, the Abbey of New Clairvaux in Vina, California. While there, I would write my observances and then blend them with personal viewpoint, philosophical insights, and spiritual understanding and also highlight some of the events in the world scene. I’m completing a careful edit of the manuscript right now. I haven’t settled on a title that is to my liking, I refer to it as The Golden Silence. Here is a section “lifted” from its Introduction. I’ll be curious as to what you think. Leave a comment, por favor.

INTRODUCTION:

“God has a way of showing us what he wants us to see and learn. Prior to my year of weekly visits to the monastery, an emerging change of viewpoint was taking place within my spiritual life. It was a six year process of seeking God through a wide range of sacred readings outside my comfort zone. Looking back, I realize God had to break down some long-standing barriers of isolationist thinking to show me that my understanding of the church was too narrow and scripted, and more people are of the faith than I formerly had believed and also some who think they are solid in their faith probably are not.

Human nature likes boundaries, rules, and regulations. We find people who think and act like us. We cling to them and dismiss those who do not agree with us. There can be error in this. I believe God wanted me to know that his church includes many Catholic brothers and sisters and others of the liturgical community. You may wonder how God did this. How did he get my attention? What made me think outside the box of comfortable religious convention and how did I come to this radical, though not new, realization?

It started with a friendship. Several years ago I was invited to join a close friend for church services at an Anglican church in my home town. Out of respect for my close friend, I decided to attend but with some inner reservation. My first visit to an Anglican service was on Christmas Eve. Others visits were soon to follow. These visits exposed me to liturgical worship, which was totally foreign to me. The way the Anglicans worshipped caused an unease in me because of their forms, interpretations and observances. Yet I found myself drawn to certain aspects of their liturgy, and I found it to be beautiful as well. The quiet peacefulness of their worshipful observance was appealing to me and also the reverence and respect with which they treated holy things.

But. But there were areas of belief in which the Anglicans differed from my pronounced Protestant Evangelical Baptist belief system. As a very honest person, I felt untrue to myself and to my beliefs when I was at the Anglican services. I couldn’t, or, quite possibly, wouldn’t, let myself “go there” in my heart-belief. The resistance within me stemmed from a belief that they were “wrong” and off-base, unscriptural, and I was “right,” correct theologically in my biblical understandings of scripture.

It was hard to navigate with such strong feelings warring within me, but I was drawn to the areas of shared sameness as well. I could tell we shared a love of the Lord and a real desire to share our faith with others who do not have faith in Jesus Christ.

As time went on, to help myself become more welcoming of God’s presence in the liturgical setting, I began to ask God to help me worship whenever I was in attendance. Because, by nature of my firmly-held beliefs, I found myself somewhat put-off when, infrequent though it were, I was in attendance at the Anglican services. I eventually chose to not over-think the situation. My respect and affection grew and my distress and fears lessened.

At an earlier time after a crisis of my own, I promised myself to God, to give him the rest of my life to use as he would see fit. First, he healed me of deep hurt and set me free from areas of bondage in a very real, life-transforming way. Then he brought me into a close relationship with him, in closeness of unity and tender intimacy. He wasn’t finished, though. The road I was on had an unexpected bend ahead, and I couldn’t have been more surprised where my spiritual journey would take me next. An awakening was about to happen in me where I least expected it.

There were limitations in my way of thinking that were constricting my spiritual life. I liked my evangelical worship with its freedom of expression and its hands-on answers that minister to people in need. But my appetite for learning had been sufficiently sparked by a few visits to the Anglican Church and my exposure to a liturgical form of worship. After tasting of its form of worship, or rather, the peace found within its quiet form of worship, I was tempted to go beyond that which is familiar, traditional, and comfortable.

I couldn’t quite silence the voice calling out to me, telling me to pay attention to the bigger picture, to notice where God’s life-changing footprint is ministering to global needs across lines of religious separation. I wanted to know more. Maybe it was me who was wrong, or at least about some of it. I wasn’t sure. Was I narrow and out-of-tune to the greater work of God? The spiritual path began to open up. I was sitting at God’s table and ready to learn—more and different—but this time without blinders on. Bring it on.” (Manuscript excerpt)

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6 Positive Ways to Interact During a Conflict

I confronted somebody today. I had to do it without it seeming like I was confronting them. It was a delicate dance. When you know you must confront an issue, it forces you to figure out an approach designed to explain your position and the issue at stake, but without being aggressive or demeaning. It must be presented in a way that sticks to the facts but doesn’t demean. You know, I hate doing that sort of thing. Confronting does not come easy for me.

I am a classic peacemaker. I will do almost anything to keep the peace even by denying my own wants, needs, and desires. I’ve done this a lot over the years, not speaking up when I should. In the book The Dance of Anger, the act of deferring to others all the time without stating or defending your own self is called de-selfing. Most of my life I have de-selfed because de-selfing is easier for me than trying to state my own opinion. I dislike disharmony.

It took an issue at work to make me realize my error in de-selfing. I lost control of a meeting I was leading while serving in my position as a reading specialist. My (younger) superiors took over the meeting and redirected the whole thing, ignoring my agenda and goals. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing. I felt like a fool, and I failed to have a voice because of it. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I was demeaned by their attitudes towards me.

After everyone left but a new hire, the then-school psychologist, she said to me, “I don’t know why, but they don’t respect you.” I cried all weekend. But I knew something had to change.

I took stock of the situation.  A realization dawned as I sorted it out. I figured it out that the only way my colleagues would come to respect me was if I began to show some self-respect. If I respected myself, I would speak up for myself. The thought scared me. I had never spoken up for myself, not even with my own siblings. This meant I could not allow myself to remain silent when others were ignoring or overrunning (over ruling) my turf in the academic setting.

My approach changed in how I interacted with my professional peers. I chose to engage when needed, and I chose to stop just sitting on the side-lines letting it happen (and then going home to lick my wounds). As a timid person without much self-confidence, that was hard for me to do. It never became easy, but I improved and became less of a person people walked over as a doormat.

To be honest, I still would rather avoid than engage. Today I had to speak up because I am the leader and in charge of a group. It was my responsibility. I could not ignore a situation that had the potential to become a problem. Did I like doing it? No. But it was necessary for our shared interest/business to be conducted in an appropriate way. Our history as friends made it all the more uncomfortable.

We do what we must do when we know we must. My friend was a bit irritated. Tomorrow she will realize why it makes sense after the reacting simmers down. Sometimes you have to give a person and subject some time to settle down as it brings the thought back to center.

6 Positive Ways to Interact during a Conflict:

  1. Be honest by speaking to the issue without being rude or combative.
  2. Speak the truth in love by respecting the person as we deliver our message.
  3. Avoid “you” statements that make people feel attacked and puts them on the defensive.
  4. Explain the reasoning behind our statements and actions without becoming emotional.
  5. Seek “best interest” as the meeting place to determine appropriate solutions.
  6. Avoid dealing in personalities and preferences by sticking to the facts i.e. this is what happened, this is what needs to happen, and why.

We can’t control other people. We will have differences of opinion. But there are times when confrontation is necessary because someone is out of line or could stray from staying on the right path. It is our responsibility to do this well, to do it kindly and through matter-of-fact exchanges.

6 positive ways to act during a conflict.
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