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Conversations with Emily (3)

My friendship with “Emily” grew steadily. All our messages were via private messaging on social media. It took both of us being vulnerable and honest with each other, which I am doing here for this writing.

An Unlikely Friendship

September 18, 20**

9/18, 4:18am
Emily:
son & i seem to have picked up yuck at routine dr visit for his hearing. pray we can get some decent sleep. More importantly though…praying for neighbor as we awoke to sirens and police & ambulance next door this morning. Elderly woman whose grandson moved in for a while, but I haven’t seen him for a while. just praying everything is ok over there.

9/18, 9:09am
Me:
Going to prayer now.

9/18, 11:31am
Me:
GM Emily, I’d like to send you a copy of the book I wrote as a gift. It was written during a time of sorrow in my life. I think it might be an encouragement to you. People tell me it is comforting. If you’re comfortable giving out your address.

9/18, 11:50am
Emily:
Is it anything like Jennifer’s book in terms of depth of pain walked through?

9/18, 1:42pm
Emily:
Have u read Jennifer’s book?

9/18, 2:46pm
Me:
I read it halfway through but haven’t printed the second half yet. My book is quite different from hers. It’s not my life’s story. It is more like a person seeking God in an intimate fellowship, in the form of spiritual meditations. I was going through a custody battle at the time and lost my twelve yr. old daughter. She was not protected by her father very well. I also was recovering from a lost love.

9/18, 2:48pm
Me:
I never mention him, but it was my heartache. I was never loved well in my marriage. He was the first one after years of no man caring about me. So the pain went deep. I was grieving.

9/18, 2:48pm
Emily:
What ch have u gotten thru

9/18, 3:26pm
Me:
Are you asking, what else? In my marriage: abandonment twice, adultery, divorce after all the troubles of 21 yrs. personal other: job losses, sibling’s suicide, job stresses, children’s troubles, and dealing with my own issues that need changing and healing. All that came on my own through God. Took several years of seeking God. But, I found answers and I was transformed in the process. That is why I reach out. I know how painful it can be to be buried and silent but still active in the church on the outside. I’m very calm even in a crisis. But sometimes it works against a person.

9/18, 3:37pm
Emily:
Lol…sorry…I was asking what chapter r u on in Jennifer’s book
But thanks for sharing…
I’m calm in the crisis myself.
But feeling very distant from God lately and not walking thru being without a church very gracefully. Feeling like a fish outta water mostly. When everything my son n I do and are is gone we r wandering. It’s a bit of a desert time.

As one woman to another woman, I sought to help her.
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JUST PLAIN SCARED

You never know someone’s story. I think we would be more kind to each other if we did. Extend grace. Be compassionate. Give life.

For almost a year, I thought about sharing these private messages knowing their potential to help others who are afraid to speak up about the past, especially in the church, but I didn’t want to injure her and my relationship or to use what we had shared by making it blog fodder in a flimsy-flam sort of way. When I finally got up the nerve to ask Emily, she responded that my idea was brilliant. She asked for time to pray. Then she thought about it for several months.

You may wonder what Emily thinks about me sharing her personal information and if this is a breach of trust. She has given her approval for sharing our conversations but at some discomfort given the personal nature of the writings. I am grateful for her willingness to do this. She is brave.

This week’s writing mentions “Jennifer’s” book, which is what brought us together in the first place. We both participated in a book launch together as part of a launch team of women overcomers. As you can tell by the text usage, there is a gap between Emily’s and my age. It would a couple of months before I would find out her age and our age span.

These I-messages are transcribed verbatim unless there was a typo caused by hitting the wrong key or a need for a comma. I want to keep them honest and pure. All names are changed. I can’t hide me, though.

The conversation continues.

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LINKS

>next post:  The girl is vulnerable:  Conversations with Emily (4)

<previous post:  Scared and alone:  Conversations with Emily (2)

|<<first post:  A woman at risk:  Conversations with Emily (1)

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I welcome your comments on this post. Thank you.

Thanks to my daughter for being the model for my pic.

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We Need to Walk Closely with Our Lord (Going Deeper with God, Part 4)

Going Deeper with God, Lesson 4

We, as a people, often seek those things we prefer to live with, that make us feel secure and happy or that, at least, help us feel okay some of the time. We often fail to see the weakness found in this human-limited-spirituality with its facade of spiritual activities, which falsifies our true truth, the reality of our driving passion for self, self-promotion and self-protection. It may be our view of the Christian life as we think it should be, rather than what Christ offers–what we can fully have in a true God shaped, Christ enabled, Spirit driven spiritual life

Question 7: What could contribute to this (un)spiritual form of lethargy, this lack of energy and fulfillment?

Question 8: What is the need?

WE’RE TALKING ‘SPIRITUAL NEED’ STUFF

To walk closely with God by being in step with Him, in active realness, in joy, in peace, in communion with Him, means we will remain unsatisfied and become dissatisfied with a spiritual life that convinces us to be content with the status quo–for this is a limited spirit-life lived inside a safe, religious box consisting of secure walls, self-made boundaries, unrecognized insecurities, and the need for attention and significance. This isn’t what we want or how we should live out our faith.

There are a few submerged reasons that get in the way of accessing a centered-in-Christ spiritual life. There are reasons why we have settled so comfortably and ably as we ignore the weaknesses and lacks found in our spiritual lives.

Here is a partial list of some reasons for our lack of commitment to seeking a deeper walk with God.

  • One problem is the failure to want more in our spiritual life, more than we already have (we’re comfortable and satisfied with the way it is).
  • If that’s not the problem, another one is quick to appear: Even though we want more, we aren’t knowledgeable or aware of ways in which to access God. We don’t know how to find Him as this sort of (personal) God.
  • Then there is this ugly little problem that trips us up and keeps us from sticking our neck out: we really aren’t so sure about God, Who He is, what His “real” plan for us will entail. Will we like it?
  • And, lastly, the biggest worry of all: if we choose to really look deep inside ourselves and at God, at what He is doing and what He will require of us, we are afraid that we might be disappointed with what He gives us. We have doubts about God’s goodness.

Now that we know some of the problems in our faith, we find ourselves challenged to do something about it. Soon this will start making sense.d Hang in there til we get to the good stuff, where spiritual life takes on living life, becomes living water for our thirsty, become the bread of life to our souls, and becomes ever-lasting glory in our beings. It’s coming.

Next post: Relationship with God (Going Deeper with God, Lesson 5)