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A New Day for Friends, Conversations with Emily (14)

Here we go. Another round of talks with “Emily.” This one is light compared to most of them. I hope you’re finding this interesting. This time you will find out my age and Emily’s age at the time. It’s crazy, crazy the things we talk about!

Just Plain Scared: Conversations with Emily

The conversation continues.

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October 27, 20**

10/27, 7:41pm

Me:  Read your posts about Isaac. Wow. Good for him. (Isaac went on a walk by himself using a cane, but without his mom)

10/27, 7:41pm

Emily:  a bit nerve racking for me, but everyone stopping by the house to check that everything was ok gave me peace of mind, and he checked in with me a couple times on his phone

really didn’t think it required police involvement, but oh well…makes for a good story, the officer made me laugh when he told me my son wouldn’t give him his phone number because he didn’t want him to arrest his mother

10/27, 8:46pm

Me:  How funny. Glad you have people looking out for him. I know it is as challenging for the mother as the son!

10/27, 8:49pm

Emily:  I was more nervous as he went out but all the updates I was getting as people were stopping by calmed me…til the police showed up

10/27, 8:53pm

Me:  Were you tempted to follow him?

10/27, 8:54pm

Emily:  I watched him the way up the street and it turns a slight curve 2 1/2 blocks up where he goes out of sight so I was watching him most of the way.

10/27, 8:55pm

Me:  Good.

I’m reading “Sun Stand Still.” Makes me think about my life’s purpose. Have you heard of it?

10/27, 8:57pm

Emily:  No. but that’s not surprising…not too much of a reader

10/27, 9:05pm

Me:  Ok. I’ve been asking God questions. Just want assurance that I’m heading the right direction. I think I am but doubt creeps in. Tell me some about your social life. Do you date or are you in a relationship? Are you interested? What do you look for in a man? ???? Anything interesting going on?

10/27, 9:09pm

Emily:  lol…no social life. I’d love to date but don’t hang out where I’d cross paths with anyone. I’m involved in women’s ministry…kinda slim on guys there and run my own business selling Mary Kay which is primarily women again. The church we left 5 months didn’t have any single guys younger than my father and I haven’t crossed paths with any at the churches we’ve visited since then.

10/27, 9:10pm

Emily:  I’m looking for a spiritual leader of r household

All the guys I work with at my day job r married

10/27, 9:14pm

Me:  Yes, that’s so impt. Did you ever do the Eharmony or Christian mingle thing? I did a little. I learned you have to be careful. Not interested in it now. But I’m not young. I did always want a father for my daughter, or someone she could look up to. Her dad has let her down.

10/27, 9:15pm

Emily:  I have my spiritual eyes open to who God has picked for me. I’ve tried eharmony before but so the matches were overseas or across the country

I def wish my son had a male role model…especially on days like Wed. when he comes home wanting me to go over again where babies come from.

But my prayers have always been that he look to Christ to fill that emptiness left by a father who is not a part of his life and even fill in my short comings in parenting him as I’m not perfect

10/27, 9:18pm

Me:  Yes. It is the right thing to pray for.

10/27, 9:19

Emily:  He questions bout his dad on occasion but has said he doesn’t want to get to know him and I’m good enough for him.

10/27, 9:19pm

Me:  Do you get child support?

10/27, 9:20pm

Emily:  A few pennies each month. Nothing I figure in our monthly budget to cover anything.

10/27, 9:22pm

Me:  Does your son act like a teenager?

10/27, 9:23pm

Emily:  He’s mostly an ol’ soul. Always more mature for his age but then every so often he pulls something out where I’m reminded either he’s only a teenager or that he is just a teenager.

It’s been like that since he was born really.

10/27, 9:28pm

Me:  My youngest is that way. She grew up in an adult world and became much more that way than her siblings except for the video games. She does get kinda crabby and is more spoiled than her siblings. But is really a good kid all things considered. Likes all the guy things, wants me to let her do boxing. I haven’t caved on that one.

10/27, 9:28pm

Emily:  I boxed in college. loved it!

10/27, 9:29pm

Me:  Don’t tell me that! I know she’d do great at it.

10/27, 9:30pm

Emily:  Lol…well I also joined gangs in college so u can’t go on my choices

10/27, 9:39pm

Me:  Find that a surprising thing, esp for a pastor’s kid. I don’t associate college with gangs. There was a gang presence at the school where I taught. I once caught some kids targeting one of my 7th grade students, got 3 kids expelled over it. I worried about retaliation. But it never happened. Thank the Lord. Think I’m about to stop. Want to return to my journal writing. Blessings …

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October 28, 20**

10/28, 6:29am

Emily:  sorry i fell asleep on ya…

10/28, 6:35am

Me:  Good morning, hope the day treats you well.

10/28, 6:36am

Emily:  thx, u too

10/28, 6:39am

Emily:  can i ask how old u think i am? u mentioned the other day in ur blog bout age diff and I’m just curious

10/28, 7:14am

Me:  I’m 58. I think you’re in your 30s

10/28, 7:24am

Emily:  Ya…and I wouldn’t have u put u in ur upper 50s. Ur looking good!

10/28, 7:29am

Me:  Thx.

10/28, 8:22am

Me:  How old are you? I was telling my daughter our conversation about each others age and she wants to know. Btw, she was impressed that you used to box. Said “I want to meet her!”

10/28, 8:23am

Emily:  Lol…38

10/28, 8:26am

Me:  Yep. Thx. She’ll be happy now. I was 42 when she was born.

10/28, 8:27am

Emily:  Wow…how was that?

10/28, 8:37am

Me:  Well. It feels like being a grandparent, and she’s missed out on the fun stuff of interacting with her siblings. She’s 16, the others are 23, 27, 29, & 31. All with the same father. I get wishful to not have the responsibility of child rearing but then I remember when I lost her in a child custody battle for 18 months, and I change my thinking. I pretty much raised the kids by myself, he was never too involved. We’ve been divorced 11 years. I feel bad for her having an old parent.

10/28, 8:38am

Emily:  I doubt she feels bad bout it. I’m surprised that parents of students in my sons class being so much older than me. You’re not the only one.

10/28, 9:02am

Me:  Sometimes she does wish I was younger. One thing she likes tho, men still notice me. She likes to tell me which ones take a second look when we go grocery shopping. I tell her it’s b/c of God in me. She’s always looking for a man for me. It’s kind of funny. I’m not looking, so she does!

10/28, 9:04am

Emily:  Ya…son was snuggling in next to me this summer before I left for 2 wks and I thought I’d be sly and ask if he had a girlfriend or any interest in anyone. He turned it around to whether or not I had anyone I was interested in… KIDS!

10/28, 9:06am

Me:  That’s funny. They just want us to be happy.

10/28, 9:06am

Emily:  It ended up turning into a good conversation bout how serious the commitment of marriage is

10/28, 9:06am

Me:  Good

10/28, 9:07am

Emily:  He has a better idea of what dating is all bout now too

A real friend tells it like it is.
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I wonder what Emily was thinking about our friendship. I kept wondering myself.

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LINKS

>next post:  Abuse marks a person:  Conversations with Emily (15)

<previous post:  Healing from the effects of past abuse takes a God-sized intervention:  Conversations with Emily (13)

|<<first post:  A woman at risk:  Conversations with Emily (1)

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I welcome your comments on this post. Thank you.

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When Life Happens…It’s Still Beautiful

We’ve been going through a few struggles the last few months. Actually, it was almost a year ago when I got the first call that someone was messing with some of my vehicles over at the farm. Their batteries had been swiped and my farm truck had a wheel off, several jacks were in position under the vehicles. Somehow they’d not finished the job and even left a calling card behind, a bong and a pair of pink-framed prescription glasses. I removed the jacks, tire iron, and various supplies. I got the vehicles out of there. But it made me uneasy.

Not long after, thieves were back at it. It started with farm equipment being stolen. Then other farm stuffs were also stolen; irrigation pipe (which we use), antique tractors, tanks and various items. It was scary. The family was in shock. I felt a wave of strange emotion, a sense of violation and vunerability, many of these items had historical value and were part of my family’s generational farming history.

Next came moments of life-changing circumstances in ways that many families face: hip fracture, stroke, rehab, occupational therapy, speech/memory therapy, physical therapy, changes in diet, facilitating medical necessities, consulting with family members, discussing options, helping and helping and helping. . . talking and talking and talking. More time away from home than at home, at least it often seemed that way. And if that wasn’t enough, there was some trouble with communicating with my teenager and feeling too stressed to give this adequate attention.

Then the church stuff, which is in a time of transition as we have said good-bye to the past and are preparing to welcome what is ahead. I can’t give it my best, not possible. My obligation with leading my church women is often frustrated when outside distractions complicate my ability to attend and carry-through. And my writing, well, it has taken a back seat except for this blog. Everything is on-hold. I have had to make my peace with it and accept this as part of the season I am in. I look for the happy moments, and find them. But there is something draining in all of this. I feel overwhelmed and inadequate. Emotional energy is easily depleted.

“But God.” God is here. He always keeps me sane when I think I’m starting to crumble. I complain and grow weary, but He is there. A friend will make contact with me, and it feels like a life-line. My sisters and brother and their spouses have all helped with the things we’ve been facing, and it is comforting and needed. I’ve seen more of my family than I have in years. They have been fully supportive, kind and loving. We have had to accept that life is different now, not quite so fun as it used to be but beautiful and loving nonetheless.

It’s time for lunch, I’m sitting at my folk’s old round oak table with one leaf in it, the same one that we sat around as a family of seven in my growing up years. I’m there with my sister across from me and Mom and Dad on each end as we bow our heads and listen to my father pray. I love listening to his words, they have much expression of thanks to God. He ends his prayer with “We are grateful to You for Your everlasting love,” and I feel tenderness well up in my heart.

These are moments to be cherished. I drove to be with my mother twice today, a half an hour’s drive each way. She is happy to see me. We go to the lab for bloodwork and it goes well. I feel grateful. We spend time taking care of some medical paperwork. It takes an hour. Then in the evening I go again, this time to help her with some things in her room. My son is with me and he is helpful. These are tender times, and I find that I have to park my personal agenda aside to do what is the more important. Yet, I sense God’s presence lifting me up.

My teenager and I talked for a couple of hours today. We were talking about junk food and the conversation took off from there. It was good stuff. I found myself amazed at some of her insights. She’s been thinking. For close to a year there had been a barrier in our relationship until a few weeks ago when it crumbled. Is God good? Yes, He is wonderful. That barrier had been an ugly thing, it kept us apart and hindered our closeness. We both had missed the old times, the way it was before it became painful between us. Today she told me how much she appreciates my faithful walk with God, that it means a lot to her and that she mentions it to others.

When there is pain, we don’t always know how to navigate the difficulty. I didn’t. I was at a loss–and I gave it to God as best I could. Many months ago I asked a couple of trusted friends to pray for her (and me). The problem wasn’t huge, it was more like a concern. She wasn’t rebelling or doing bad things, yet this issue had come between us. It had caused us both to pull back. Her words to me today mean tons to me. They are beautiful.

Sometimes the beautiful cancels out the ugly. It did that today. We have had several such talks, each one a little closer to the center than the one before. I thank God for ministering to me and to her and then allowing us to understand each other by helping us to communicate in a way that we could both hear what the other one was saying. That is icing on the cake.