WHEN A MAN YOU LOVE WAS ABUSED: A Woman’s Guide to Helping Him Overcome Childhood Sexual Molestation (Kregel Publications, 2010)

Every chapter in When a Man You Loved was Abused offers useful insights into the character and destructive nature of sexual abuse. The author himself was an abuse victim. He later became a minister, missionary, writer, and advocate for abuse victims. I read this book for my own information but not as a support person for a victim of abuse. However, it indirectly spoke to some of my issues that injured me, which caused grateful emotion in me because of its helpfulness. One of the gifts Cec Murphey gives through this gently written book are tools for ‘being there’ for a support person of an abuse victim. I am in just such a situation with a person who has other troubling issues and have said to myself “I don’t know what to do” for I felt out of my league. I sensed ‘advice giving’ to be the wrong approach. From my reading I now know it would have been. I do know others affected by past abuse or living with someone who has its imprint in their past. I am glad for a resource I can recommend without reservation should the opportunity present itself. What I learned from this book is quite helpful. It gives guidance that will directly influence conversations to come. I highly recommend it for anyone who lay counsels. It contains proven insights applicable to sensitive situations. School teachers would benefit as well. As I was reading I thought of former students who had been molested, who didn’t feel loved or wanted. They struggled so. A second grader told me that no one loved him after he made a Valentine’s Day card–he drew a cracked heart, his words–with a little boy crying in it. I knew he believed it was true. From Murphey’s personal first-hand account along with the inclusion of other men’s stories, the wisdom presented in its content opens the door to greater understanding of damaged emotions and how they can be healed. Well written.

THE LOVING: The Second Stage of Spiritual Life

Spiritual Life Stage 2

THE LOVING

THE KNOWING from the last blog post, here, is the foundation for all things spiritual. A butterfly cannot become a butterfly without first living as a caterpillar. Reading Scripture, praying, studying God’s word, and following his teachings are all part and parcel to this basic understanding of believing the gospel of Christ and following Christ.

I believe most Christians live on this level and are content to stay here without going further still. Why? I think most Christians believe this is all there is. They don’t know more could be had, or they’ve been told to be suspicious of anything else. Another reason might be lack of interest, or another, a lack of ambition, or for want of effort. It’s not a deal breaker, for this isn’t about salvation of your soul.

But why wouldn’t you want more if you know there is more to be had?

THE LOVING

and How it Happens

Suffering has a way of taking you to new places spiritually; things like, you can’t do it, or you’re exhausted, you’ve been hurt, suffered a loss, or maybe you just want more in your spiritual life. These and the plain old desire to learn more can initiate a new search in a different area of spiritual life.

You want to know God. You want to know if God is enough. You crave authenticity in your spiritual being. You’re dissatisfied and feel somewhat incomplete or fake inside.

This is when you are moving into Stage 2, the transformation: A place where you begin to seek God to know him, and begin to have the mind of Christ, as Scripture says.

Whether at a dark place, a suffering state, or a seeking openness, you are ready to be  open and honest with God. You are going to a new level, no longer are you satisfied with ho-hum Christian living. Simply put, you want more. If this search is honest, real, and full of intention, I believe you will receive what you’re searching for.

TRANSFORMATION (During true seeking)

  • God comes close.
  • He enters your thoughts.
  • He gives you insights you didn’t have before.
  • His Spirit is transforming you to be more like Christ

THE COCOON

A Different Kind of Transformation

You’re that caterpillar in the chrysalis that’s transforming into a butterfly. No one on the outside can see what’s happening on the inside. This is a totally private undertaking. Not something you talk or brag about. It’s a quiet growing in an ever deepening awareness of God’s love, and of Christ’s sacrificial and all-encompassing love. You are becoming aware of the still small voice of God as he communes with you in your spirit. Spiritual love floods your whole being. The more you know God, the more you know love and experience love’s effects. It’s an amazing duality of you in God and God in you, words fail me to explain this adequately.

The Christian believer’s path has a destination and a purpose fueled by redemptive love. When you were lost in unbelief, you didn’t know what you didn’t know. Once you knew and responded to Christ, it empowered you.

It is in the knowing that you receive. It is in the believing that you are changed. It is in the loving that you begin to heal of the past, become free in the spirit, and more fully alive in your soul. And you begin to love differently than before. What God is doing inside you he is also preparing for you to share outwardly.

BECOMING FREE TO LOVE

A Natural Process of Christ Living in You

Love begets love. A seed of love sprouts in the heart then matures to a health-building, living organism that is strong, pure, humble, life-enriching, and whole. Love seeks not its own, and it cannot be silenced. Powered by Christ-love, this kind of love, by nature of its source, can’t help but love the unlovely and care for the poor, needy, and unlovely, and outcast…and the souls of all people.

A TRUE STORY

What Happens when You Get Serious About Living It

Three years ago I made a new friend when another church merged with my church. I was leading women’s ministry at the time. At our first WM meeting after the merger, I explained the functions of WM, some of our projects, and our purpose–to love God with heart, mind, and soul, and our neighbor as ourselves. One of the new ladies talked with me and offered her services to help with one of the projects.

Long story short, this woman had a lot of baggage and struggle in her life, but she had a heart for God and a keen mind for applying Scripture. We began meeting regularly and have continued to this day. Two summers ago she experienced a family wound that was unbelievable and has never remedied. But she grew and didn’t blame God.

A couple of weeks ago we had dinner at my house and she said something like this, “I’m so different now. God is so close. I sense his being with me, helping me. I wish I had known I could have this kind of relationship with Christ.” She has this inner glow and her walk with God is life-giving. Yes, she still struggles, but WOW.  She now has the tools to make it and stand on her own two feet.

That’s what I’m talking about, tapping into the closer walk with God. This includes being known by God and his transformational love.

The next post is about LIVING. Knowing and Loving are the two stages before Living. Both steps are taken before the beautiful butterfly emerges to fly free.

Access next stage here: THE LIVING: The Third Stage of Spiritual Life