THINGS happen and people get hurt. When they’re little people, the damage embeds itself into the psychological make-up of the child. I am no psychologist but I know this is true. Trauma can come in many forms: physical, emotional, deprivation, abandonment. We know it is true. Even traumas no longer remembered are active in some form. Unless. Unless there is a healing of that memory, almost a purging of the fact along with a renewing presence. Simplistically said, where the bad thing leaves something goes in its place. It is replaced with healing wholeness.
I couldn’t help but notice a young boy sobbing. I was sitting in a church pew right behind him and his mother and sister. When the singers began to sing, he began to sob. It wasn’t quiet and tidy. It was heart-wrenching sobbing, overtaking his demeanor. His mother looked at him with a quiet expression, then put her arm around him. He snuggled in tight. His sister leaned in close on the other side of the mother. Throughout the one hour service, the boy would cry every time the music played. People around them were offering tissues to the mother to give to the boy (he was about eight years old). His crying reminded me of sobs of some of my students over the years, their tears often a result of a father’s leaving the home or parents’ fighting. Little boys who may seem collected and strong really are not when it comes to family break-ups.
Sad to say, even my own children experienced some of this. They hurt when a separation robbed them of their father. It was something I could not prevent although I had tried. I didn’t know how to help my children. My pastor encouraged me to let them be angry, allow them to voice their hurt and sadness rather than to silence them; to validate their expressions and struggles; and, to tell them the truth when it was asked of me. Our once quiet home became somewhat agitated for the space of a couple of years. My youngest son seemed as if the light went out, his impish smile had disappeared. He looked like the dog in the picture (his dog). So utterly sad. It wasn’t easy for me or for my children. People get hurt. All of us hurt in my family. It is silly to think that people aren’t impacted by major events that disrupt their lives. We all are psychologically affected by events that wreak havoc to our center of reference. It may take months or years to make sense of our hurt before we can initiate a path toward healing and restoration of our emotional health. It is wise and freeing to seek healing rather than to ignore or bury the feelings.
How do we heal? As a Christian, I can only speak from what I know and have experienced which has a spiritual dimension to it. I received healing from God when I sought it with my whole heart. Part of my healing came as the result of one specific time alone with God when he healed a memory from my past. Other parts of my healing have come in small increments. Some is still in the future. We are not all alike. I know of no magic cure-all. I do know that God often uses Bible verses as a way He speaks to people to help them deal with their wounds from the past. He brings a verse to mind that brings comfort to the individual. I will mention one method, the Theophostic approach to spiritual healing. It offers help where there has been emotional wounding incurred from sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. Its method is similar to what I experienced, which is why I believe in its validity and potential to help Christians who are suffering.
Theophostic ministry is a method that uses prayer to identify the hurt, and prayer to release the hurt. The person being prayed for is not told what to think during the prayer session. It is God who does the revealing and the healing. The counselee’s thoughts and prayers are directly in line with those of the minister’s or therapist’s prayers. God is the One bringing forth the understanding and healing. A support group of praying people is part of the dynamic and is also why this is a powerful tool for healing.
It is something to consider. I cannot make any promises as to its end result.
The little boy who was crying was receiving comfort from his mother. That is a good start. We must care, and we must validate another person’s feelings. To tell some one to shut up or stuff it, is to silence something that needs to be released. Of course, I am not talking about attentional crying. There are people we rub shoulders with every day that are crying alone. There are teenagers who turn off the light and listen to music in a mindless state every night because the depression and depressive thoughts have blotted out the light of life. I personally know of teenagers who are living this way right now. I wonder if their parents know? It may even be someone we least expect, who later tells us that they were suicidal, and we were clueless at the time. That has happened to me as well. Your teen’s overt reactions may speak of deeper issues that should be addressed. People hurt and we must help them.
Be sensitive. Offer a listening ear. Turn off the T.V.. Ask an innocent question. Engage the person in dialogue. Seek solutions. Find a counselor who clicks. Be proactive. Most of all, be kind. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.
