The Need to be Kind

The importance of being kind cannot be understated.  If everyone would put a kindness factor in place, to be kind to others regardless of how we feel about them, it would change the world. Kindness is a respectful attitude that takes the time to be patient with others even when they irritate us or may not deserve it.

I reckon there are three things in life that are important.

The first is to be kind.

The second is to be kind.

The third is to be kind.

 (Leanin’ Tree)

Really?

The class that year was a combination 2nd-3rd split. The students were a mix of low achievers, misbehavers, children at risk, a few too shy to respond at all, immature children and so forth. The class was formed a month in. With human nature and all that, I got dumped on by the other teachers or so it seemed.

I knew the goal. I was determined to bring my class up to speed and to make it sing. The students’ struggles, day in and day out, challenged my best efforts. The classroom dynamics made it difficult to meet my educational objectives. With great intention, I instituted several ‘extras’ to help us bond as a group.

The hyperactive student learned to self-monitor his behavior. He would move himself to a special desk next to my desk whenever he was distracted or was the one causing distraction. He became efficient at this without me intervening. He’d smile at me and I’d smile back when it was time for him to re-situate himself. He liked monitoring his own behavior, and its calming effects.

The students needed a sense of being a part of a whole. Acts of kindness were written on slips of paper anonymously and put in a slotted box to be read on Fridays by me. I made sure I participated. Students were asking teachers and aides if they could help them. The playground never looked better. They kept it litter free. They loved this.

I wanted my students to feel appreciated and good about themselves. They saw themselves as losers. To accomplish this, we would have to get to know each other better. Every morning after the flag salute, one student in our class was featured in the spotlight. They were given an uninterrupted opportunity to talk about their likes, dislikes, and interests in front of the class, one per day. No one was allowed to snicker or be rude. Shy children were encouraged through prompts from me. This was done every day throughout the school year.

When one boy lost his black puppy, we as a class were concerned. He had showed up at school crying, standing by the door waiting for me to arrive. I ushered him inside and the children waited. It’d been a hard year for him, his father had separated from the family, and his mom was a mess. I prayed that night that the puppy would be found. I knew he needed his puppy. The next morning he was all smiles. Yes, the puppy had been found. I sent a prayer up to God, “Thanks, God. He needed his puppy.”

On Valentine’s Day we stepped it up. I wanted the class to appreciate the adults who served them. We should always thank people who help us. Our class made thank you cards for every support person who worked on campus: Crossing guard, the cook and cafeteria workers, yard duty personnel, instructional aides, office personnel, maintenance personnel, bus drivers, computer technician.

I taught the children proper etiquette; then they practiced together, student with student. The children learned how to introduce themselves to their card’s recipient, how to look them in the eye, shake their hand or give them a hug, after they read the card out loud and hand delivered it to its recipient. I sent them out two-by-two to deliver the cards.

The staff loved it, and the children? There was so much positive energy and happiness in the room after the cards were personally delivered that the children glowed.By making others feel special, they felt special.

By the year’s end we as a class had grown into a community of caring individuals. The most out-going child encouraged the most reserved child. The former home-schooled child was cheered when his artwork was appreciated. The children became proud of each other’s successes. Their energy dial now pointed to the positive.

Kindness works that way. Kindness is universal, has no political party, encourages positive social interactions, and is other-centered. The act of being kind begins in the heart, is activated by the mind, is cultivated by the Spirit, and is instituted by the action.

A pure heart will extend grace to others because it wants to and knows it is the right thing to do. In the Beatitudes, Jesus says it well, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” Matthew 5:8 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 ESV

A good way to live out faith is in the little things, the everyday kindnesses. “Faith without works is dead,” Scripture says. Faith gives out of its ‘living’ generosity and its valuing of all life. Spiritual goodness is such that positive works become part of its process and flow.

‘Be kind’ is a motto to live by. I highly recommend it.

The rest of the story:

A few years later, the young man who had lost his puppy, now at 6’2″,  happened to cross my path. He greeted me with a huge grin and asked me how I was doing. He said he remembered being my student and some of the activities we had done in class. His smile and greeting made me smile. He remembered the “extras” and it was worth it.

Be kind.

God Wants, Loves, and Accepts You

Dear Silent Friend,
If we could speak, I would tell you that God wants, loves, and accepts you just the way you are. I know it’s true. I hope this helps.
God loves you,
Norma

Everyone wants (and needs) to be wanted

A universal need in all people is the need to be wanted. Performance often masquerades as acceptance when the outcome is equated with an underlying perception of being wanted. Human relationships often fail to deliver. What’s up with that?

The desire to be wanted for who you are is something most humans crave and expect. And why not? Everyone should be wanted and deserves to be wanted. What is your self-perception?

A conflicted message from others will cause people to ask a telling question of themselves, when their sense of ‘being wanted’ is in doubt. “Does that other person ‘want,’ ‘like’ or ‘love’ me for who I am? Or do they ‘want,’ ‘like,’ or ‘love’ me for what I do, look like, provide, or financially support?”

Bottom line, people want to be wanted for who they are; period. But sometimes acceptance is withheld. Damaged emotions occur. People internalize the message that they’re not good enough. This causes more negatives. To be wanted and liked by others is something they chase after. But there is no end to it.

Relational structures as in family, professional, or intimate, which withhold acceptance until it is earned, that insinuate acceptance is conditional, which portray that a person’s value is arbitrary, granted more to some and less to others, create an unhealthy tension within its perceived lesser-valued, and lesser-wanted members.

Thoughtless, unkind words or actions that attack a person’s vulnerable, inward sense of self can deftly destroy the recipient’s self-image as these negatives, comment by comment, erode fragile personhood and imply ‘you’re not-good-enough’ conceptual beliefs about self.

To meet this very deep need within the self, to know they are wanted, loved, and valued, can cause the emotionally injured to go to extreme lengths to find it. Even then, it may not deliver. People devoid of nurturing love or bereft of positive human bonding–with their realization of having been denied the basic components of meaning, value, and self-worth–squirm under a self-imposed deficit outlook, that is, until they are able to see it for what it is.

Then they are able to work at undoing the damage by repairing their leaky love tank, addressing their self-perceptions, and rewiring their negative self-talk. Progress is made when these individuals are able to accept, receive, and sustain love without doubt, suspicion, or fear. Emotional traumas heal slowly, but they do heal.

But first, one must want it. This inner renewal cycle has happened to me and to many others.  Rejection marks people, but it need not keep them trapped in its pain. Fortunately, every person can find help, and they can ask God to help them.

A healthy ‘self’ is one aspect to the spiritual side of the human condition. God is in the restoration business. He helps, in a highly personal way, those who are willing to do the hard work necessary to achieve this healthy state. God’s children are wanted, and not only wanted, they are loved with pure, holy, unconditional love. God never forsakes, and he always loves the object of his affection.

Safe and secure in God’s loving acceptance  produces inner peace and fullness of joy. The soul-need, their being loved, valued, and wanted, is met and satisfied. Wholeness brings richness to the inner self. Healthy spiritual life is actualized through the transforming love of God. God doesn’t withhold affection from the poor performers or the ones struggling with life. Instead, he assists them as he welcomes them on the spiritual journey of life.

With the innocent trust of a child, every person, with child-like faith, is welcomed into Father God’s warm embrace, much like that of a kind, loving, doting parent. For those yet to experience what it is to be loved without strings, they are in for a treat. This kind of love is found in Christ Jesus. Yes, people mess up, we all do, but that is not cause for them to be discarded or unwanted by God. “For God so loved the world.” God’s love is unconditional.

All are wanted, all are loved, and all are accepted. They are not accepted because of their merit, goodness or stellar performance. For God so loved the world. They are wanted, loved, and accepted because God wants, loves, and accepts them. “Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’” Matthew 19:14 ESV

That’s you and that’s me.

Give your heart to Jesus and you will know you are wanted, loved, and accepted.

♥♥♥

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How has God ministered to your inner need?