Established by God

Do you know who you really are?

That is a good question. We have an image we project outwardly. This image alters somewhat depending on who we are with and what we are doing. There is the inner person, our hidden self. This side of us is well protected behind invisible walls and layers of practiced behaviors. And there is the natural self, where our abilities thrive and flourish. These are the areas we are good at and know we’re good at. The spiritual side is also present. Sometimes it is subverted and other times it is encouraged.

We are complex creatures.

But do we know ourselves or do we only know what we project to others? It is good to deconstruct our outward perceptions from our real identity. What people have said about us, whether good or bad, can factor in on how we view ourselves. Comparison to others is also an unworthy test measurement. We are either valuing (more) or devaluing (less). Like the woman vocalist who came in top place for the second group of vocal contestants, she said, “I was the worst of the best (vocal contestants) and the best of the worst (vocal contestants).” She had ranked herself according to the outcome.

We are who we are, nothing more, and nothing less.

Often we see our worth and value according to our performance and achievements. That is not the whole story at all. Our value was established by God. He is our creator. He is our life-giver. He is our lover. We were worth a Son to Him. That is high value, indeed. Christ came to earth and then died a sinner’s death because of you, me, and all the people in the world. His self-sacrifice is mind boggling. You are worth loving.

You are uniquely you and that is a good thing.

I can not think of anything more boring than if we were carbon copies of one another. Should all people share identical DNA, cloned reproductions, it would not be the best thing for society. We need what everyone brings to the table. You have gifts and abilities, insights and aspirations that are all your own. I’ve taken painting classes where we all paint the same picture, but our pictures are not identical. I’ve taken cooking classes where we all make the same recipe, but our finished presentations look and taste a little bit different.

That is because we are not replicas, we are originals.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

  • Maybe we should quit complaining about what we don’t like about ourselves and accept what is true about ourselves.
  • Maybe we should discover the buried treasure deep within us and quit listening to others tell us what we are.
  • Maybe we should pay attention to our hidden layers and overcome them with truth and dignity, healing and grace.
  • Maybe we should extend grace to other people who are different than us.
  • Maybe we should allow the truth of who we are to enter in and diffuse within us.
  • Maybe we should deal with our stuff and become whole and new.
  • Maybe we should accept ourselves and be okay with it.

There was a woman I knew with the kindest heart but saw herself as a nothing. During childhood she was unkindly treated. She married, but her mate carried on the tradition of treating her as a nothing. Later, divorced with two children, she found a lifesaver at a little baptist church. There, a man in the church fell in love with her. He treated her the best, told her she was beautiful and treated her as such, but she still could barely lift her head in public. She and him had a ministry in the church.

They worked side by side bringing disadvantaged children to church.

Then he passed on. She was utterly devastated. Her husband was the only man/person (she thought) that fully valued her excepting her pastor. She never quite recovered from losing him. Last year this lady passed away. At her memorial service the church was packed full to overflowing with people whom she had impacted, that had loved her. They spoke up, the children who came to church with her and her husband. The lonely kids whom she had befriended. I shared a story of how she touched my oldest daughter’s life by coming along side and helping her face a difficulty and then giving my daughter a dainty sterling silver necklace to say she was proud of her. This gentle soul wouldn’t have believed it, that so many would be touched at her passing, because she didn’t see herself as a person to be valued.

Just like her, you matter more than you realize.

You are a daughter or a son of a king. And that king loves you more than you will ever know. God wants the best for you and that best is Him. He will help you where you hurt. He will cleanse you where you’ve been stained by sin and pain. And He will create in you a clean heart when you ask Him to.

Praise God for this.

Heart-to-Heart

The beauty of friendship is a bridge that connects us.

My friend meets with me every other week. We sit at New Earth Market and gab. I get a 12 oz. coffee to sip for the three hour block. She nibbles on an entree while we visit. We talk about family first, what’s happening and what’s a bit of a challenge. Our lives are similar in this area. We move on to other subjects.

These visits are heart-to-heart talks.

Then we talk about the meat and potatoes of our lives. Life intersects in ways we do not anticipate. I gain from her caregiving experiences. She went through it and now I’m going through it. She learned to advocate for her mother, then her father. I’m learning and growing, and becoming knowledgeable and supportive and advocating for both of my parents.

I appreciate her candid remarks.

Two weeks ago I mentioned the book Safe People and something I gained from reading it. She bought the book and found herself applying its message to her life. Challenges come into both of our lives, and we benefit from the honesty and charity that has developed between us. Trust and God makes this a rich blessing.

My experiences touch her experiences and visa versa.

This friend came to me for advice three years ago. I silently committed time to developing the friendship in order to help her. I intended to give one afternoon per week for a year’s duration to guide her through addressing emotional issues caused by marital abandonment.

Now she helps me.

My friend is honest with me, and I need that. Our friendship is reciprocal. When one of us is down, the other one listens and encourages. When one of us is celebrating an area of personal growth, the other one is cheering on the sidelines. God is in this, and I’m so grateful.

You never know what is going to happen.

God made us to be relational creatures. We need to touch in significant ways as human beings. The depth of the friendship, however, is determined by certain factors being present within the dynamics.

  • Trust
  • Honesty
  • Acceptance (withhold your judgment)
  • Care, kindness and thoughtfulness
  • Parity, no one-man-upmanship
  • Keep a confidence on delicate matters
  • Respect and respectful behavior
  • Validation
  • Listening well to each other’s heart
  • Vulnerability

A true and deep friendship takes work. One that is for a spiritual and life-enriching purpose will have additional layers to it that benefit those who are in it. They are entrusting some of their vulnerabilities in the bonds of friendship.  This requires a sense of safety, which goes back to trust. Some friendships cannot ‘go there.’ Other friendships thrive there.

What makes a heart-to-heart friendship special?