HEALING: A Story of Personal Transformation
You don’t know what you don’t know until you know it.
Audio recording on healing is at the end of this post.
Back in 2002 I knew my life needed to change. Embracing change is a personal choice. I opened up my inner self to God and proceeded to give him free reign to do what only he could do. Circumstances had brought me to a point of giving up doing spiritual life my way. I had no idea what would happen next.
That was one smart move. God must love it when we stop the performance trap and begin to let go and listen. That wasn’t my motivation, though. Pain had buried me. I didn’t want to live that way any longer. I needed a new life.
God took me at my word. The path forward was withering away. My teaching position was done other than summer school. I entered a new journey into seeking God. With the children home the summer was still full; but I began in earnest to seek answers to my questions, to look to God for what I needed, and to search God’s Word for comfort. I became teachable. Journal writing became an exploration-driven commentary where I listed book quotes, bible quotes, pain, and my angst concerning the marital separation, my children, and life in general. I was in the hurting place and was pulled in many directions.
Challenges be-set me. Indecision became part of this uncertain path. The upsets continued. I couldn’t seem to get past what had happened to me and my family. So wrapped up in the confusion and pain, I became much less available to my children and their needs. I was barely coping. It wasn’t pretty. Daily spiritual times were spent more out of personal need than for any other reason.
Change began to flower in me. Now that I had lots of time to seek God because I wasn’t teaching and my own were back in school, I could spend hours reading my bible, meditating on its words, writing down my thoughts, and praying to God. I would record it all, not for posterity, but as a resource to return to time and time again.
Like a psalm, my thoughts would go from sadness and pain to acknowledgment of God and his grace. My prayers became long, deep, and rich. Pondering the meaning of it all became a frequent process where I invited God to be present in an open way. A year later, I was hired back and finishing up graduate school and later became the district’s reading specialist. God took care of us.
God became real to me. Little by little the change came in as I focused my being on knowing God and his ways. Joy entered, healing occurred, forgiveness flooded, sadness began to lift, and God became real as real can be. Situations kept happening, and new pain arrived, but I was different and could handle them better than before.
A couple of friends became central in this time of sorting and growing. They were my supports and let me talk and talk. Indeed, my life was on the fast track to a new understanding of God’s love and grace. God had become alive in me. His truths were enriching my life.
Five years of this and then I decided to share my story with my church family. It took two Sundays. The church was packed both Sundays. People were curious what I would
have to say, and they all showed up, plus a few others. My story of pain surprised them, they had no idea. The next subject was my healing. For the healing section, my father, mother, and brother and sister-in-law were present. I appreciated their willingness to come. My brother, Paul, was taking notes as I talked, and later we talked about the points I’d made in the talk. The content had resonated with him. It was beautiful. That was ten years ago.
An interesting side-dynamic unfolded during my two talks. After the first talk, on pain, the women gathered around and wanted me to know how much it had touched them. After the second talk, on healing, the men came up to me and talked about what had touched them. They showed compassion for my ex-husband who had been part of our church fellowship for a decade and some of the men told me parts of their own stories.
My talk had opened a door that had been closed. From this, I learned different areas appeal to different groups and to never treat something as a given, to trust God for the journey. That is one of the reasons I write for both genders.
Today I am posting the second part of my testimony. It explains how God healed me, layer by layer, pain by pain. He cleansed me and made me new. The first posting about the first part of my testimony, the pain in my life, can be found here. Please open your heart and allow understanding to come in. I believe there is something here for everyone. God bless you.
HEALING: Talk 2
Contents: Surrender, Repentance, Forgiveness, Confession, Hope, Help, Healing, Renewal, Rejuvenation of the soul, Joy, Seeking, Revitalizing Prayer, Listening to God, Spiritual understanding.
My Testimony Part 2: HEALING Length of audio – 53. minutes
For those who missed Part 1.
My Testimony, Part 1: PAIN
ENDING NOTE: Never doubt what God can do. He wants you to be free of the emotional stuff that makes your path difficult. His healing and renewal comes in layers for most people. It must be sought with a whole heart. Believe in his ability to meet you where you live and believe he is capable and real. God doesn’t play games with us. I’m so grateful. If you have questions regarding my testimony, leave a comment or contact me using the contact link on this page. God bless you.
I include the photos to provide context for my story. I hope you don’t mind. Shortly after telling my story along came the next big test. It often works that way. You think you’ve made it and the newness is permanent, but you end up going further with God. Expect that to happen whenever you feel you’ve arrived. You become tempered and tested and soon you know whether the change is real and lasting or not.
Praise be to God for the way he carries us through and gives us grace and wisdom regardless of the situation. Enter his presence. Receive his love. Experience much joy!
Please feel free to share.