Last week I received a piece of discouraging news. My book proposal was turned down by the agent I’d picked from an agency I was hoping to interest. I was grateful to hear back so soon. Now I know and can make appropriate decisions. After reading the polite standard rejection letter (not what we’re looking for at this time) the most amazing thing happened. Even though it was discouraging and painful, my response was different than my usual reaction. I didn’t cry or tear up or feel sorry for myself. I chose to not moan about it to others. Instead, I prayerfully whispered to God, “What’s next?”

I am not surprised, though. God has to go before me with this one. I know my book will be a hard sell. Yet it is my hope that it will sing on its own merits and its message will reverberate with clarity.

God answered my “What’s next?” as soon as the thought became a prayer. I understood his answering message loud and clear, I’d heard this one many times before. “Trust Me,” he said. How familiar the words sounded. For a period of five years God’s answer to me on almost everything was always “Trust Me.” God didn’t elaborate on my next steps, he just asked me to trust him to take care of whatever. This process took me to the place of “further still.” I learned to listen for him and to trust him for basic things common to existence like employment and financial concerns and for miracles of healing and faith.

 Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!    –Matthew 7:9-11  NIV

Trust does not come easy, but I do trust in the One who asks me to trust. He is a good Father. A good father does not give a stone to his children rather than bread. Father God doesn’t tell us how he is going to do what we trust him to help us with or what he is going to do for us, or who he is going to tap on the shoulder to assist us, or how many years it is going to take. “Trust Me” is open ended, just like “Show me” is open ended or “What’s next?”

We learn to wait while we trust, and with an expectation to receive. This is an active waiting. My mind anticipates what God is going to do, but I’m rarely close. I draw strength in knowing God does only what is good.

On April 4th I began praying over my completed book proposal and will do so for forty days. As I pray I acknowledge how God is the author and finisher of our faith, and I ask him to lead and guide in all aspects of my book. I will send my proposal and queries wherever God shows me or nudges me.

Early in January I asked God to show me which of my manuscripts I should finish first (I have several) and the answer was, “the monastery book.” I wanted to protest, “no, not that one,” though I didn’t. The monastery book is my most controversial book. I draw a line in the sand about something I have come to believe with my whole heart. I can’t say I wanted to do this book first, because it puts the fat in the fire and will draw criticism.

I believe it will also open eyes where they need to be opened. From the get-go I have felt this book has a message for the Church at large and that the world also needs to hear. I share the message of Christ’s gift of salvation, Christ’s love for all people and Christ’s Church. I cross over traditional boundaries to anchor my statements. Christians are to love one another and follow Christ as the head of the Church.

What now? I truly don’t know, but I do have a plan. For one year I will seek traditional publishing  and if not successful I will self-publish. I don’t know who will take an interest in it, but I know the One who knows the agent, agency, editor, and publisher. “Lead on, O King Eternal.”

Lead on, O King eternal,
we follow, not with fears,
for gladness breaks like morning
where’er thy face appears.
Thy cross is lifted o’er us,
we journey in its light;
the crown awaits the conquest;
lead on, O God of might.

–Verse 3.  Lyrics by Earnest Shurleff

Please pray for me. Thank you so very much. God is in control. To God be the Glory.

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