Well, I’m going through my things; completely going through my things. I’m not kidding. I’m slowly going through my books, pictures, things and what not. You realize that you have way more than you thought you had and way more than you can use. Today I spent the hours going through my pictures. I have a lot of pictures from the years when my children were young. So, it was fun too. Aw, the memories!

We lived in Westwood in the mountains for four years. I loved looking at those pictures. Forrest was born while we lived up there. We made some good friends in Westwood. Next we moved back to the Chido area. We lived at Meridian Road in Chico for a few years. Once again, my youngest child was born while we lived there (I have five kids). We had some precious times while living there. We went to Southern Calif. to visit Grandma Weigold while we lived southwest of town. In fact, there was some debate about her next steps, whether she would come to Chico. But she stayed in southern Calif.

Then we moved to the house on Nord Hwy, where my folks had the orchard. I was already farming the orchard, so it worked out for us. We farmed the orchard for 20 years. Dad made it profitable for me so that I could help my kids with their college education at Biola. The orchard was good for us. He was so wise. After we moved to Nord Hwy, I moved where I am now in Chico, CA.

I live alone now. Yet, my youngest daughter and her husband come around. They are wonderful in helping out when I need it and looking after me, besides being friendly and jovial. I can’t complain at all about any of my kids. I am so fortunate. They care about me, and that’s something to be thankful for. There’s something wonderful to say about looking at the pictures. God has been good to me, to all of us.

I used to feel bad about the hard things in my life, the things I’m not talking about right now. You know what, God had a reason for it all. He took care of all of us, even my ex. He always takes care of his children. He wanted to teach me some things that I needed to learn. I learned how to wait, to listen, to contemplate, to consider, to remember his goodness, to rejoice in his care, to be thankful for even the smallest act of kindness…and recognize he is taking care of me.

I think of all the prayers I prayed. All the troubles I navigated. And all the answers to prayer. It got to where I learned to pray before I acted about most things. God became my rudder. I acted according to how I felt about the answers to my prayers. I reviewed, I considered, I waited, I believed, I set my heart and my mind in God’s direction. I learned it is unwise to act without praying first. God brings peace when the answer is affirmative. I learned to wait until I sense his leading. I learned to listen for his answers. He taught me to wait until He was ready to act. I also learned it is best to not act if you sense something is wrong in your actions. He will make it abundantly clear if you wait and listen. Sometimes you have to wait a while before he gives you an answer. It’s worth the wait.

God bless you.

One of the weirdest things happened when I had my stroke three years ago…I tried, but couldn’t, pray. My mind wouldn’t focus. I couldn’t keep my thoughts in one place, together. I’d start to pray but my mind wouldn’t, couldn’t focus for more than a few seconds. That was quite frustrating. Before that, I had gotten to where I would take a long precious time in prayer, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I just couldn’t. I wanted to. I tried to. But the words and thoughts weren’t there. It was a struggle.

You know, when you can’t pray your life feels empty. The problem was my mind couldn’t think rationally or for very long. I loved praying but I no longer could. Prayer is such a strong part of a Christian’s life. We are fortunate that God has given us a way to speak to and with him. Thankfully I can pray now. But not as well or as completely as I used to. Prayer is a way of speaking to God. It is beautiful when we are given the time and effort to spread our wings and reach up to the heaven with our words, like we say in a prayer. God hears us.

Twelve or so years ago I decided to look beyond my protestant faith to see what I would find. I knew what I believed but I was afraid of what I didn’t believe or accept as worthy of my Christian belief. I read Chesterton, some priests, other people of the faith, Saint John of the cross etc. which practiced a different form of belief than I did. I did a search in the Christian realm but not just of one’s I completely agreed with. I was totally shocked by what I found. I talked with an Anglican priest, I talked at length with a Trappist priest, I read many books which are not protestant in dogma. I spent a year visiting a Trappist Monestary one hour per week I was blessed through the circle I participated in. God spoke to me.

I learned that it matters what your heart believes. I came away from the different authors with a realization that we may differ on many things but the belief about our Father, Son, and Holy Spirit is what is critical. What does the Father do? What is the Son responsible for? What does the Holy Spirit mean to us? Each one of these has a direct plan to do and be what they are responsible for in our lives. They work together and yet they have separate parts to play in our lives.

When I pray I am basically talking to my heavenly Father although the others are present. I picture him in the room with me. I imagine he is with me when I talk to him. Sometimes I address him as I talk to him. I imagine he is standing next to me on my right side. God is there. God knows what I am saying, thinking, and doing. He speaks to me. Sometimes I am aware of his presence. How so? I completely shut down and think and listen. His words are not one I can hear, but I still know what he has to say to me. But it takes some doing, his words speak in my mind. Slowly and preciously I can discern what he is saying. His words are precious, quiet, and measured.

I ask God to cleanse my heart before I speak to him. I don’t want my actions or negative words to cause disruption between us. I get as quiet as I can before I listen, wait, think, praise, and give myself to him, for I don’t want to hinder my prayer. Sometimes it takes a good while until my heart is ready. I wait and listen. I talk quietly, and wait, and talk some more. I repeat the process, waiting, listening, and talking.

There are times when God seems quiet, but he’s not. He may not make himself known to you, but he is listening. He may seem far away, but he is not. He hears you. There is a lot of reasons for why God does what he does that I don’t understand, but I know he loves me and he loves you even when he doesn’t make his presence known to us. If you have a chance today, take some by-yourself-time to seek our Lord and wait for him to minister to you. It’s a precious and holy time. Well worth the time it takes, you’ll find out.

Please let me know how it’s going and what God is teaching you.

I’m back!!! My son is here and he helped me get back on my site. Whew! I’m so glad. I was kind of stuck. Aren’t kids nice to us? I am thankful to be able to write again.

I’ve been wanting to write about prayer. Prayer is so important to our walk with God. The amazing thing is how much good we can do through our prayer times. You see, we get to know God while we pray to Him. He is so encouraging. He is waiting for us. He helps us above and beyond what we expect.

My prayers have changed over the years. My mother was the one who taught me how to pray. When I was little we knelt by the couch to pray after our evening devotions. Each of us kids prayed, then mother closed the session with her prayer. It was what we did together. I was quite young. When I was seven, and my brother Paul was six, we both accepted Christ as our Savior. That was a special evening.

My prayers grew in depth and length as I grew older. In college my prayers took another turn. I was pretty hurt after a boyfriend ended our relationship. I prayed and prayed. I drew upon God’s wisdom. I leaned into Him for strength and courage. I knew God was with me. I sensed His presence. I felt His help. I knew His grace. I truly needed His guidance.

Through the years, some sixty plus years, I have relied on God’s consistent, loving and encouraging answers to my prayers. Sometimes I wait awhile for the answer, yet it always comes. Often the answers are quite different than expected, but they come. Every so often I don’t realize the answer until I know it’s answer years later. God knows. Some of my prayers were not the best, I know that now. God is wise. He makes our prayers wise.

Prayer is a gift from God. We get to know Him as we seek Him. If you listen, really listen, sometimes He is whispering an answer to the prayer we are praying. In time we know that if we listen for His voice when we are praying we become cognizant of His speaking to us. He cares. He helps. He loves. He acts in accordance with His ways. Listen for Him. He will speak to you.

Praying is one of the ways we become aware of the closeness of our relationship to the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. They are with us every day. We are fortunate to be His children. God wants to talk with us. The tricky thing is to listen, and listen carefully, completely and actively. Some people have heard Him speak; I have not. But I know. I hear Him speak in an inaudible voice. Sometimes I feel His warmth draw me close. That is precious beyond words.

Thank you, dear heavenly Father.