Loss affects all of us. It is one of those hard things you can’t deflect. It comes when it comes. There is no stopping it. The effects of loss crowd into our lives like unwelcome intruders, sabotaging our happiness in sad, hurtful, confusing, difficult-to-deal-with ways. 

Lost love is a particularly painful loss. It hits hard in many ways: Separation, divorce, abandonment, relationship break-ups, rejection, dementia, or death.  

Some losses take a toll in our personal lives. We lose jobs and positions, status and reputations. We lose our innocence, or health, finances, possessions, family, or friendships. Each causes some fall out. Our coping mechanisms are taxed.

When loss occurs, we are forced to make a choice. What will we do with the bad that just happened to us? Will we meet it head-on or will we run from it? To be healthy in our emotions requires that we become proactive in our response to the specific loss. The emotion must be figured out, what we have believed as a result of the loss that has disrupted our steps, belief, or way of life, and may have brought our lives to a screeching halt. The feelings of blame or regret, anger or bitterness, may be directed towards others, ourselves or God.

The pain of loss is strong. Because of this, the cure or remediation will take time, effort, and determination. One must not hide, live in denial, bury or shield the pain. We must choose a better way. We will recover if we choose life and healing and another new day. Loss, of any kind, has a period of grieving attached. It takes time to sort through the thoughts and feelings associated with the loss. To deny this is to shut down one’s emotions in an unhealthy way. Moving forward as we deal with loss will come as we look for answers, solutions, and then find them.

WAYS TO MOVE FORWARD AFTER LOSS

1. Acknowledge the loss for what it is. Face and accept it.

2. Grieve the loss. This will take time. 

3. Separate and categorize your thoughts from your feelings.

1. What are the facts? What is true?
2. What are my feelings in relationship to the facts?
3. What will be hard for me?
4. Who can help me?
5. What are the outside factors?

4. Address the area of loss and its impact. Begin to form new thoughts.

1. Evaluate the circumstances (the cause and effect, or personal loss)
2. Institute change and set goals for yourself.
3. Seek to improve or remediate specific areas related to the circumstance.
4. Develop a positive dynamic with an accountability or caring partner.
5. Initiate positive steps to self-improvement.

5. Move forward in personal areas.

1. Read a lot of self-help and/or spiritual material,  write and/or journal as a way to express your thoughts, and seek wise counsel and/or spiritual guidance.
2. Include physical activity; it will release a positive sense of well-being.
3. Develop social connections and involve yourself in activities.
4. Find ways you can help others: Volunteer, give, help, join a civic group.
5. Join a support group through church or other caring groups. Find a niche with common experiences.

I want you to know that you will make it. Do not despair, the sun will rise again. A new day will be yours. You will find your new path. It may take hours, days, months, or years, but you will find your way to happiness once again. Join me and many others who have crawled out of the pit, who have been side-lined many times by curve balls from out of no-where, and made the choice to hang on to hope for dear life … and hope delivered.

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