Every day is a new slate that we fill in with things to do. My conversations with “Emily” were remarkable in and of themselves. I always enjoyed hearing from her. I can honestly say, I never got irritated with her and never felt over-taxed.

JUST PLAIN SCARED: CONVERSATIONS WITH EMILY

The conversation continues.

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February 11, 2-**

02/11/20** 12:30pm

Emily:  hey

Me:  Hey…

Life is good. Don’t know why, but today is better than yesterday as far as feeling well and getting things accomplished. I’m in the groove …

Emily:  great to hear

Me:  You?

Emily:  eh

 Me:  You ok?

Emily:  not really, if I’m honest with u…sorry

Me:  Well. I prefer it that way, the honesty.

Emily:  sorry

Me:  This is random… I always am lonely on Valentine’s Day. My worst day of the year. But that can’t be helped. I will listen to music, light a candle, and do some writing…then I’m ok.

Emily:  work has had me in tears every day this week… overwhelmed with work load and I’m sure Valentine’s factors in there too

Me:  Not fun.

Emily:  it is what it is

it is my current reality

i’ll live

Me:  Yes.

Energizer bunny

Emily:  heading out on the town tonight with a couple friends…going to see Penatonix in concert

amazing A Capella group

Me:  Oh. Don’t know the group… But I’m outta the loop on a great many things. Enjoy. A mood elevator. That’s good. Hope it helps.

I’m being secular at the moment. Listening to Eric Clapton.

Emily:  i think Pentatonix is secular…but i’ve only heard their Christmas stuff

Me:  I wish we could meet. I’d like to visit with you in person.

Emily:  i could use a cup of coffee with a friend

Me:  Yep.

Today was the day I had planned to go to the farm show. That would have been a nice change of scenery. Maybe next year. G should have her license then which will make it easier in many respects.

Emily:  nice

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February 14, 20**

02/14/20** 10:37am

Me:  Happy Valentine’s Day! The gift of friendship counts. Blessings to you today. I’m glad our paths crossed.

Emily:  Usually this is just another day but it’s really been bothering me all week.

I’m glad God has crossed r paths as well. Thanks

02/14/20** 12:54pm

Me:  I know. Some years it stinks. I think that we should have a party for the lonely hearts! A young woman in my church, an unwed mother, and I were talking about it. She’s lonely too. I said we should get together another year. She agreed. She had her heart broken a few years back but is working hard to maintain.

Emily:  Last year Mandisa held an event streaming online that helped me manage the singleness

Me:  That was nice.

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February 15, 20**

02/15/20** 9:00pm

Emily:  u still up

Me:  Yep!

Emily:  cool

Me:  Going out, huh?! (she posted on facebook)

Emily:  wow…been a crazy day

Me:  I’m going to switch to my Ipad. Was it fun?

Emily:  ya…I’m exhausted from all the emotions i cycled through today

excited and terrified and so many others in between

at one point…while i was waiting to hear from friend who was introducing us i thought i was going to puke i was so nervous

i envisioned showing up, being introduced and my way of saying nice to meet u would be throwing up on his feet

it all went a lot better than that, but still, its been a long time

Me:  You make me laugh. I can picture it all too well.

How’d you meet?

Emily:  my friend & his mom have been praying a few yrs bout introducing us

Me:  Years! Oh my. Any chemistry?

Emily:  a few…they both finally felt we were in good places

he is so not the type i’d pick for myself, but he loves God

Me:  That was wise of them.

Emily:  def worth getting to know more

Me:  And, Valentine’s Day was yday… Missed it by one day. I’m happy it went well.

Emily:  and I’m glad we got to skip valentine’s day for a yr…that’s just soooooo much pressure

Me:  Yes. It would make it weirder (:-)

Emily:  the whole fact i was even up for this reminds me just how far I’ve come though

Me:  Oh. I want to say something yet not sure how to respond. Glad you are making progress.

Emily:  just say it…

Me:  I mean, I’m at a loss.

Emily:  loss of words?

Me:  Yes

Emily:  over what?

Me:  Nothing. Tell me what you did. Movie. Dinner?

Emily:  there’s a winter festival in town this weekend…he & his dad were carving all day. then he & i went to a bar…yes i know i don’t drink so it was a lil crazy, but I’m flexible…then stopped in at a beer & wine tasting event and then grabbed dinner at a local grille & pub

very casual

Me:  Ok. Think he wants to see you again? Give any hints that way?

Emily:  i’d interpret asking for my number at the end of the night as an indication

well that and saying i’d like to see u again

Me:  Just invite me to your wedding.

Heehee

Emily:  lol….that’s a lil fast

Me:  About something else, are you still church-less?

Emily:  ya, why?

Me:  Just wondering. I know that’s a concern.

Emily:  thx

I’m finally coming down off this high and crashing fast…gonna hit the hay

Me:  Ok. Thx for sharing with me. GN

Emily:  nite

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February 19, 20**

02/19/20** 12:38pm

Emily:  hows it going?

Me:  Pretty well. I don’t seem to get everything done. Yesterday, a friend of mine from way back, fiancé broke up with him. So I took some time to listen in and encourage. He used to be a minister until his wife left him for someone else. I was happy he had found love again. Glad he is handling it well. Nothing new in my life. And you? (I won’t be able to respond for awhile, going grocery shopping before getting G)

02/19/20** 3:21pm

Emily:  hey…i did grocery shopping today too!

son had after school activity so i was off for a while here too

while u may FEEL like ur not getting everything done you should feel good that God’s using u to get done everything he has planned.

Me:  Yes. Off to track now.

Emily:  have fun!

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February 20, 20**

02/20/20** 12:40pm

Emily:  how was track last night? was it a meet or just practice?

02/20/20** 3:22pm

 Me:  It didn’t go so well. G pulled a muscle in her thigh. She can’t practice today, too sore. They don’t have any meets for three weeks. Just getting in shape. It’s good for her.

Emily:  ice & elevate

i LUV running!

what are her events?

02/20/20** 5:01pm

Me:  She likes short and distance running. The 400 is her fav.

Emily:  i did mile and high jump

02/20/20** 7:56pm

Me:  Cool! She’s rusty. Didn’t compete last year because her school was too small to field a group. This year she is running for another school and attends a different school that doesn’t have a team. I think it will be hard for her to get caught up to speed.

02/20/20** 10:09pm

Emily:  she’ll have to work harder but I don’t think it’ll b impossible.

02/21/20** 4:14am

Emily:  between my kid and the storms here last night…i didn’t get any sleep

yesterday morning it was sleeting, then turned to rain and was thundering and lightening yesterday evening and was supposed to turn to snow overnight…i haven’t looked out the window yet, but the sleet/rain/snow weather is a big trigger for me. praying today is better

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February 21, 20**

02/21/20** 8:38am

Me:  That’s crazy. You’ll need a nap on your lunch break!

02/21/20** 4:00pm

Emily:  no nap…better day then yesterday

heading out soon to go see “Saving Mr. Banks” at a local budget theater!

02/21/20** 7:45pm

Me:  Hope you have fun.

[several messages deleted. . .off-topic]

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March 3, 20**

03/03/20** 10:32am

Emily:  hey stranger…what’s new?

03/03/20** 12:57pm

Me:  Hi. You’ve been on my mind too. Today I put myself on a schedule to keep myself focused and to get more accomplished. Hard for me to do that! I lack self-discipline in some areas! So I didn’t allow myself on Facebook after my morning glance at it. I am busy preparing for the first Ladies’ session at my church (10 weeks long). They’ve done home bible studies but never a study at the church. I will teach first, then we will do smaller groups. I think it will start small and then grow. I’ve noticed that when something is ‘real’ it makes people want to come. I am using our book (Jennifer’s) to open things up. I don’t know what will happen, but I am expecting miracles. I’ve gone a second time through her book to glance at the content. I chose which questions we will cover in small groups. Some questions are too personal and should be left that way. Long answer. Yikes.

Emily:  Not long…real.

I wouldn’t want it any other way

Me:  Glad you feel that way. It’s comforting to know that I’m not boring you.

03/03/20** 4:59pm

Me:  I’m curious, who else in our group besides you has their story in the book?

03/03/20** 7:22pm

Emily:  i dont know

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March 9, 20**

03/09/2014 10:02pm

Me:  Just a howdy, I know this is late so I’ll hear from you tomorrow. I hope you are doing well. I started the Daniel Fast two days ago. I was hungry today but didn’t give in. That’s amazing in itself.

03/10/20** 4:09am

Emily:  Good for u! U didn’t miss me by much..was having a tough night last night. Would u pray? Praying for u.

Just like with any fast…depend on God. When ur focus is on what He wants to teach ya then ur eyes will be open to new things thru this fast.

Me:  I will pray. Right now I can’t sleep. Thank you for the encouragement. I can tell that my body is more alert, energetic.

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March 18, 20**

03/18/20** 3:20pm

Emily:  hey there…feels like its been forever

Me:  It has been tooooo long, I’m doing well. How are you?

Emily:  ok

Me:  I’ve been enjoying leading the women’s study at church.

I see your message. Tell me what’s going on?

Emily:  what message? where?

Me:  Actually, your non message. You’re doing ‘ok’ which I take as… not as good as it could be.

Emily:  lol…no, just tired & busy

its all good though

Me:  Good. Any new news? Work ok?

There are two questions I want you to answer some day… At your leisure.

#1. How did you break free of the gangs?

#2. What got you back on the right path?

Emily:  these r good questions for me as i’m working on a chapter for a friends book on rock bottom places…i’ll keep u posted

Me:  Ok. Thx

Emily:  nothing new…work is still crazy with no end in sight.

Me:  Do you like your work?

Emily:  i’m trying to grow my “makeup consultant” biz and just began as a “fitness” coach this month in an effort to create a comparable income as my f/t job so i can fire my boss grin

Me:  There’s a worthy goal!

Emily:  its requiring me to be very scheduled

Me:  I can well imagine. You already are busy! Tell me about becoming a “fitness” coach. Are you a personal trainer?

Emily:  i have a fitness nutrition degree…can be a personal trainer. made sense to me that i use the beach body products and love them why not become a coach and share with others how much i love what i’m doing… the (consultant job) allows me to empower women while (fitness trainer) allows me to empower others on their health journey

Whether it’s physical or nutritional health

Me:  So, I looked it up to see what the buzz is on the “consultant” products. Looks good. You can work on both the inner health, outward physical health, and “fitness” beauty products. More than one dimension.

Emily:  Yup

U can sign up with me as ur coach. It’s free

Me:  Are you challenging me to get healthy? Haha.

Emily:  Nope…u seemed a lil interested…just offering it if ya like

No obligation to purchase anything just by signing up

Me:  Just teasing. But I might be. I’ll give it some thought. Thx. Hey, my IPAD is low on battery so I’m going to stop and let it charge up. I’ll send a message when I get back on. Later.

Emily:  K

03/18/20** 6:11pm

Emily:  #1 getting out of the gang was worse than initiation into it, but there was a point when i realized i was in over my head. too much to write here, but can talk bout it anytime ya want

#2 my son, is the short answer

Me:  Wow. So glad God gave him to you…and that you wanted a right walk with God for your son.

Emily:  #1 i had been in the car during drive byes but it got a lil too personal one night as we went out to eat and — (sensitive content omitted)–

after leaving the gang, i was in hiding for a number of years

i’d was heading for death prior to having the responsibility of raising a kid on my own…when i share testimony i often tell people first, God saved me by sending his son to die and be raised on the third day to forgive me from my sin and second, he sent my son to save me from myself

03/18/20** 7:42pm

Me:  Interesting. I once had a parent of a student who was a leader of a gang. She was very scary looking. Her son was sort of physically messed up. I wondered if they had abused him. She admitted to —–(sensitive content omitted)—-  for the gang to to another teacher. You are a miracle.

Emily:  i don’t know if id go that far

God had a hold of me for yrs before

Me:  It is true.

Emily:  i was so numb to the world around me because of all the sexual abuse

Me:  I am a miracle too, in a different way, but no less important.

Emily:  i can’t explain the gut feeling that led me to feel i was in over my head

there is so much i missed growing up because i was numb

but i needed to be numb to survive

don’t know if that makes sense

that’s why i can’t explain the gut feeling…

Me:  It is a weird thing but makes sense.

Emily:  doesn’t make sense to me but if u say so

Me:  Ok

Women are intuitive… and there’s God.

Emily:  maybe the miracle is that gut feeling when i didn’t feel anything

Me:  The miracle is, they didn’t kill you.

Emily:  ya i made it out alive…sometimes i wish i hadn’t

Me:  Well.

Life is hard.

Emily:  ya…def woulda been easier to NOT have to fig out how to function in the world after all that

still learning these days

Me:  Yes. I hear ya. Some day it will become sweet again, I believe.

I have to make a phone call.

Bless you.

Emily:  nite

Me:  GN, thx for talking with me.

Emily:  ur welcome…thanks for asking

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It seems there are two necessary components, or maybe even three, for spiritual healing of emotional wounding. We must do the hard work and face the facts–that’s one. God must meet us there at the painful memory as it surfaces and is remembered, that’s two. We must let go of what we want in order to seek what God wants, that’s the process. It also helps to understand how human relationships and interactions, both past and present, affect the present.

I still am thankful for the year we spent talking back and forth. We both learned from it.

Would love to know what you think.

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LINKS

>next post:  Emily and me:  Conversations with Emily (22)

<previous post:  Jesus with skin on:  Conversations with Emily (20)

|<<first post:  A woman at risk:  Conversations with Emily (1)

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