Although “Emily”and I have developed a secure friendship and have covered many difficult subjects, her struggle to overcome continues to defeat her. Now she is writing about her life for another book, which, again, opens her up for memories that hurt and revisit her. The good thing is that she is talking about it with me rather than ignoring it or doing something harmful.

JUST PLAIN SCARED: CONVERSATIONS WITH EMILY

The conversation continues.

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April 6, 20**

04/06/20** 8:19pm

Emily:  just ok’d the edits for the chapter i submitted last week…i wanna throw up!

Me:  Why?

Emily:  scared…totally vulnerable…might as well run around town naked

Me:  Yes. That’s how my kids feel when I write, even though I’m kind. Does it have your name?

Emily:  yes

Me:  Yep. Did you pray over it?

Emily:  yup

Me:  Now it’s in God’s hands. Who is writing the book?

Emily:  “Dee” has gathered 30 women to each write a chapter

Me:  Is she part of “Jennifer’s” team?

Emily:  she and jennifer partnered for her, Dee’s, last book a couple years ago

Me:  I see. I don’t know Dee.

Emily:  national christian women entrepreneurs

NACWE…national association of christian women entrepreneurs

Me:  I didn’t know there was such a thing. Wow.

Emily:  https://www.facebook.com/NACWE or nacwe.org

Me:  I will check it out. Thx

Emily:  just joined last May

Me:  Did you join to network with other ladies?

Emily:  ya. other like minded

Me:  Yes. I suppose it’s been beneficial.

Emily:  some

would u pray tonight

Me:  Yes.

Emily:  I’m sure its just the enemy as i submitted final copy, but still managing my body feeling or reliving stuff tonight

Me:  Ok. I want you to try something. When the bad thoughts come, tell Satan you know it’s him trying to scare you, that you’re onto him. Tell him he has no power over you and to take a hike. if you’ve done this before, do it again. Say it out-loud.

Emily:  i’ll try…just wanna run & am numb

Me:  Of course you are sensitive right now. The evil has been remembered. I even feel it when I read people’s stories. I felt it with our blogs for Jennifer, that the emphasis was getting to be too much on the pain not enough on God’s victory.

Father, bind Emily’s mind to the mind of Christ. Loose her from any lies or influences from Satan and his traps. Set her free, completely free. Send your Holy Spirit in power and love to flow peace through her body and soul. Amen

Awaken, my friend. Be comforted.

Emily:  so wish we could pray together in person…gonna try to get some sleep tonight…THANK YOU

Me:  Amen. Much love, sweet Emily.

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April 9, 20**

04/09/20** 10:56am

Me:  You are a treasure. God has been with you throughout your journey. He’s so gracious. Just reread your story as part of this week’s lesson. So weird to be personally acquainted with the person I’m reading about. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable by sharing your story. It is sure to help others. One of the women in my study group is trying to reinvent her life. She is 35. It is a big spiritual battle for her, many woundings and strongholds. I am thankful that God is leading this study, not me. Otherwise I’d be scared of saying the wrong thing.

Blessings to you as always. N

April 11, 20**

04/11/20** 11:44am

Emily:  hey

Me:  Hey

Emily:  Could use prayer if u have a moment

04/11/20** 2:15pm

Me:  Will pray.

Emily:  ty

scrolling through my newsfeed i just saw pic on a friend’s page of her and her bro for sibling day…totally triggering as her bro is one of my abusers…i just wanna throw up!

Me:

That was a jolt outta the blue. Suggestion. Pray a blessing on him. Leave it with God. Bless those that curse you. Only possible through Jesus.

Emily:  do i have to?

do NOT want to

just wanna curl up in a ball and cry or sleep

or maybe cry self to sleep

Me:  Well, nope, you don’t have to. Crying helps. Then lift it to God.

Emily:  no and no and no

Me:  Well, you must confront it, not avoid it. Where we are wounded we must seek deep healing, and then freeing. It was no accident that you saw his pic. It was a dare. Are you going to engage in your healing or are you going to submerge in your pain? Only you can face this, I can only pray. I see where you are locked in a cage, unable to free yourself. You can walk free. Believe this. Believe.

Going to get G. Be back in 20 min.

Emily:  i will never be free of this

i gave in…doesn’t matter anymore

Me:  At the school waiting. Of course it matters. Don’t stop believing… as the song says. I know you can be free.

Emily, you need someone praying you through this. Asking God to give you healing words that speak.

Emily:  don’t waste ur time

Me:  What is this?

Emily:  me on a bad day

sorry

Me:  Emily, Emily.

Emily:  whatever

seriously…forget about it…

tomorrow’s a new day

Me:  Sorry I didn’t give you much empathy. Well, sorta sorry. It’s just such a lovely day! Wish you could Enjoy it!

Emily:  started lovely here, but has gotten colder and cloudier

Me:  Perfect weather in Chico. Gotta call my tax accountant now. Just lovely.

Emily:  have fun…i’m working on my taxes this weekend too, UG

04/11/20**  6:33pm

Me:  I have two businesses now: writing and farming. So I pay someone to figure it out for me.

Emily:  ya…that’ll prob be next yr…f/t employment along with (my two side businesses) right now…maybe writing or ministry by next yr

lots to keep track of

Me:  Yes! I hope to have two more books published by then.

Emily:  that’d be AWESOME!!!!

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April 14, 20**

04/14/20** 8:31pm

Emily:  how was ur night?

Me:  Ok. I’m being lazy

Emily:  i owe u an apology for the other day…i’m sorry u were on the receiving end of my bad day

Me:  At least you can be crabby with me.

Can I be nosy? Did you ever hear back from that guy?

Emily:  which guy? there r a few of them that have surfaced recently

Me:  Really! The first one.

The date!

Emily:  oh, the date…he’s liked some of my posts on fb and i have some of his, but nothing more has come from it

he doesn’t live in the area though…his parents do.

Me:  The April Fool’s guy (a hulk, photo on FB), now that was a cute joke.

Emily:  oh him…ya, he’s fictitious

just a guy i found online

Me:  I once knew a guy like that, 15 years younger than me. He was either a very wonderful Christian or a super good con. He kept pursuing (long distance). Boy, could he pray. I loved to listen to him.

We would skype.

Ok….

Emily:  ok, what?

Me:  I’m being stupid.

Emily:  lol

k

Me:  I am feeling spring fever. Don’t want to study for my bible study tomorrow.

Pretty bad when the leader is that way.

Emily:  na…just that time of yr

Me:  I pulled some weeds in the backyard, so I did something worthwhile today.

How’s “Isaac” doing?

Emily:  good…on spring break

Me:  Nice

Emily:  no…u were right…ice…snowed today! UG!

Me:  Oh my. We’re in the 80s. Move to Calif.

Emily:  i’m soooooo there!

Me:  I have a new prayer request. I really need someone to help me with my computer stuff. I spend tons of time trying to figure things out …with moderate success. I want someone who can come over and help me. I’ve been relying on my son but I think its time to do it differently. He’s willing but I think I need someone who lives here.

Emily:  so THAT’S why u want me to move there!?

um…u know i work in IT, right?

Me:  I just want to be moving forward but I stay stagnate. Of course it could be the Lord, not the right time.

It gets frustrating at times.

Emily:  i believe it

Me:  Ain’t getting any younger either.

Emily:  age has nothing to do with it…all about willingness to learn, my friend

Me:  I’ve been learning. It’s crazy how much I’ve learned. But I still spin my wheels and run into roadblocks. Enough of my complaining. Gotta get focused on my lesson. I just need to review it. I prepared it last Wed.

Emily:  then get to it!

Me:  Ok. You be good. Nice talking with you. Later…

Emily:  adios, cinnamon toast

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Next week will be our last installment of Conversations with Emily.

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