This is a topic I never dreamed I would write about.However, we haven’t grown used to talking about abuse in the church or in religious families. In recent years, we’ve heard about priests preying on young children. They’ve received the most press. Sadly, that is only the beginning of what is starting to be reported and what is really happening.

This article will highlight some areas in religious circles in which abuse is now being reported. It has opened my eyes and made me weep for the many victims of another person’s rage emotional domination or cruel control. The sufferers of abuse are many. They cannot put off the damage to their person-hood like you take off a coat. Rather, it takes years, often a life-time to put to rest the demons unleashed through abuse. And the lies believed.

I was browsing the web to find a Baptist mission’s address. I came upon an article about a man, a missionary doctor, who had sexually abused different missionaries’ children and summer interns. I recognized his name. Early in his missionary career, this doctor had been reprimanded for an adulterous affair with an intern, but received counsel and then continued on with serving on the field. The first young woman to formally accuse him of sexual molestation, a fourteen year old, was forced to recant by the mission board by signing a confession that she had made it up. Years later, other women came forward reporting the same thing had happened to them. Several molestations were reported.  I remembered the doctor from when I went to college. His work on the mission field was highly respected. This was shocking! The mission board had been slow to act after the victims came forward, preferring to stall and keep it in-house, rather than having an outside group do some fact-finding. It ended up costing the president of the mission organization his job.

A woman in a group I am in was describing her childhood. She told us about the abuse she suffered as a child cloistered away in a fundamentalist institution of higher learning. The victims were the children of staff members, families who lived on the grounds. Her father was on staff. The family was not given freedom to go elsewhere. The Christian authority was strict and demanding. This woman has a video where she describes what it was like to live in such a situation where you have no alternative, and no outlet. Yet, there was the sexual abuse.  I listened to a video of the current president addressing the issue and its investigation. He does not deny that wrongdoing has happened, he acknowledges that something happened. He continued on to say that it is a past chapter, and that the college is handling the reports in-house. I have to feel that this must seem very unsatisfactory to the victims. They deserve more than a brush-off. But, that is only my opinion.

A woman I know was sexually abused by someone in her church. She was a teenager. It was on-going. Today she is still trying to deal with the destructive memories that come unbidden as her mind replays the abuse. In the church? More than we realize. It has come close to home.  I can think of two people I know who have preyed on others. Men of the church known for their upright views. Their wives, unsuspecting at the time. One of the men was convicted and went to prison. In the other situation, a  woman, close to forty, told me about her youth leader, a man who led in several capacities in the church, had made overtures toward her at various times.  I’ve read several personal stories of women who were sexually abused by someone in the church.  They need to heal and restore. It appalls me that anyone would use their position in the church to take advantage of a child or youth. But, it happens. Probably more than we realize. I can imagine the scar, and the mixed feelings about church and religious people and God, that love-hate thing.

Much is wrong with this picture. Another story was written by a man who has recently written a book chronicling the abuses by catholic priests. He has written a blog where he quotes a man who still has faith but not belief, that is, belief in the one apostolic church. The church has robbed him of his beliefs but not of his faith. His abuser was never brought to trial for his crimes and is now dead. The church covered up the priest’s tracks would “move” him when the seat got hot.The man said that there would never be justice because the church doesn’t care about the victims. That’s scary stuff.

Part of me grew up in a state of denial. I would read an article like this and think people were fabricating the information. I didn’t want to believe it could be true.  I am aware why a church might cover-up a situation. It doesn’t bode well for the church. But, when the allegations are not believed or are ignored, the victim then realizes that the church doesn’t really care about them. When this is the case, the church or institution cares more about its programs and its reputation than its people. . How can a church be so callous, so uncaring? Pretty easy, it seems. They know the perpetrator and like him or her. They also may have a measure of doubt. And, quite possibly, they just don’t care about the right things.

I am a strong believer in the church’s roles and responsibilities. We MUST be aware and proactive in protecting our children and young people. I believe we must be vigilant in making sure that everyone is safe in our programs. We must be bold where it is needed. We must create plans and structures to prevent opportunities for abuse to happen behind closed doors. We must not leave children alone with one adult. Lastly, we must be kind with those whom have known abuse, helping them with their recovery.

Honesty is the best policy. It’s true. The church needs to address the issue when there has been abuse. The church needs to offer help for those who need to go through a healing process. We must become aware and active.  True religious belief MUST be bound to Christ, not to a man. 

A statement about those who abuse or have abused: I believe God can and will forgive, heal and set free. I believe in forgiveness and the power of redemptive love. I also believe one should make right, restitution, when one has caused pain to another whether emotional, physical, or sexual. What hurts the most is when no-one says it was wrong or acknowledges that there was wrong-doing. A girl, who was hurt despicably in her home, once said, “The hardest part was that no-one said to me that what was happening to me was wrong.”Most of all, we cannot be silent any longer, and we must be proactive in preventing sexual abuse, we also must provide place where those abused can find healing and rebirth into emotional freedom.

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