The Norma Brumbaugh Story: Installment 1
Written back in 2007: I have only shared this writing once and that was with my Pastor. I wrote this lengthy narrative while contemplating whether to go public with my personal story for my church family. I wrote more than I would say when I did speak, but I decided to go the whole nine yards in the writing of my story.
I intend to share parts of my story here and there on my blog. I’ve not decided exactly how much I will share with my readers. For the most part, it will be offered in its original state. I am choosing to not edit this writing (and that’s hard not to do!).
This is my story. It is not a flashy or wild story though it has been eventful and not particularly average. I am not much of a heroine. I have never been overly brave or stout-hearted. Actually, I have always been self-conscious and timid. Although I have various strengths, they have been inhibited by my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Some of what I will share with you is a reflection of the internal pounding on my self-worth, which happened as I failed to come to terms with what was destroying me. However, even in this there were parts of me which could not be destroyed such as my faith in God and my tender gentle heart.
If I had known the hill I would have to climb to get to where I am now, I’m not sure what I would have done. Yet God in His grace has sustained me through the journey and now here I am in front of you ready to praise Him for the opportunity. That is why this is all so surprising. Who would have known? One reason that may contribute to why the outcome has been as such is that God knew my qualities and my heart. He knew where this story would end up. And He knew His purpose could be fulfilled through my obedience and surrender.
All of my life I have been one to contemplate what I see and hear while also noticing behaviors and trends of human interactions. One of the gifts God has given me is an ability to perceive and then evaluate what I observe. Maybe that is why He chose to use me for the touch of His hand. What I do know is this; He has been with me through the dark times of fear and rejection.
What amazes me as I begin this process of the telling of it, is that the delivery of the message transcends any discomfort I will experience. The message is not my message at all, for it is not my own. I am just one person that God has prepared so that He may bring some hope and promise to the wounded, lost, and discouraged lambs in His flock.
Five years ago I offered a vow to God that I am now keeping as I tell you my story. I made the vow during a pivotal juncture in my life. At the time I had lost the only security I had in my life even though it wasn’t much to begin with. I was discouraged, empty-handed. For years I had put much self-effort into two areas of my life that in the end came up short, didn’t deliver the goods. I was done, completely spent. Decidedly, I knew that the rest of my days would be lived for God.
God could do what He wanted to do with me. He could teach me whatever He wanted to teach me. I was open. I sought Him and asked for healing and renewal. I promised to use anything that I learned in the process for Him and His glory so that what I would learn could help other co-sufferers in the family of Christian believers. I meant that prayer.
In my heart I believe the time is ripe for me to begin opening the secrets of my life to others who are in need of the words I will share. To say it is easy for me to do this would be incorrect. To say I like sharing my personal story would not be true as well. But what is true in this situation, is that God has revealed Himself to me in enough ways that I no longer just talk about who He is and what He offers, instead I actually have come close enough to Him to where He has become my closest and dearest friend.
God is my Abba, my Father. He is my Dayspring. He is my purpose. He is my healer. He is my reason. It is my belief that the hard experiences I have absorbed were allowed for this very moment. Nothing is wasted if we allow God to use it for His glory. He reaches down to the vilest of offenders and isn’t appalled, but rather, is direct and speaks words of truth and love. “My grace is sufficient for you,” He says to each one. My response is, “I’m forever grateful for the cross,” as the song says it so well.
Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this post. I would love to know what part you identify with in the reading of it. God bless you. Norma