A Story of Brokenness to Triumph

Personal Narrative

The Norma Brumbaugh Story: Installment 1

Written back in 2007:  I have only shared this writing once and that was with my Pastor. I wrote this lengthy narrative while contemplating whether to go public with my personal story for my church family. I wrote more than I would say when I did speak, but I decided to go the whole nine yards in the writing of my story.

I intend to share parts of my story here and there on my blog. I’ve not decided  exactly how much I will share with my readers. For the most part, it will be offered in its original state. I am choosing to not edit this writing (and that’s hard not to do!).

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This is my story.  It is not a flashy or wild story though it has been eventful and not particularly average.  I am not much of a heroine.  I have never been overly brave or stout-hearted.  Actually, I have always been self-conscious and timid.  Although I have various strengths, they have been inhibited by my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Some of what I will share with you is a reflection of the internal pounding on my self-worth, which happened as I failed to come to terms with what was destroying me.  However, even in this there were parts of me which could not be destroyed such as my faith in God and my tender gentle heart.

If I had known the hill I would have to climb to get to where I am now, I’m not sure what I would have done.  Yet God in His grace has sustained me through the journey and now here I am in front of you ready to praise Him for the opportunity.  That is why this is all so surprising.  Who would have known?  One reason that may contribute to why the outcome has been as such is that God knew my qualities and my heart. He knew where this story would end up.  And He knew His purpose could be fulfilled through my obedience and surrender.

All of my life I have been one to contemplate what I see and hear while also noticing behaviors and trends of human interactions.  One of the gifts God has given me is an ability to perceive and then evaluate what I observe.  Maybe that is why He chose to use me for the touch of His hand.  What I do know is this; He has been with me through the dark times of fear and rejection.

What amazes me as I begin this process of the telling of it, is that the delivery of the message transcends any discomfort I will experience.   The message is not my message at all, for it is not my own. I am just one person that God has prepared so that He may bring some hope and promise to the wounded, lost, and discouraged lambs in His flock.

Five years ago I offered a vow to God that I am now keeping as I tell you my story.   I made the vow during a pivotal juncture in my life.  At the time I had lost the only security I had in my life even though it wasn’t much to begin with.  I was discouraged, empty-handed.  For years I had put much self-effort into two areas of my life that in the end came up short, didn’t deliver the goods.  I was done, completely spent.  Decidedly, I knew that the rest of my days would be lived for God.

God could do what He wanted to do with me. He could teach me whatever He wanted to teach me.  I was open.   I sought Him and asked for healing and renewal.  I promised to use anything that I learned in the process for Him and His glory so that what I would learn could help other co-sufferers in the family of Christian believers.  I meant that prayer.

In my heart I believe the time is ripe for me to begin opening the secrets of my life to others who are in need of the words I will share. To say it is easy for me to do this would be incorrect.  To say I like sharing my personal story would not be true as well.  But what is true in this situation, is that God has revealed Himself to me in enough ways that I no longer just talk about who He is and what He offers, instead I actually have come close enough to Him to where He has become my closest and dearest friend.

God is my Abba, my Father.  He is my Dayspring.  He is my purpose.  He is my healer.  He is my reason.  It is my belief that the hard experiences I have absorbed were allowed for this very moment.  Nothing is wasted if we allow God to use it for His glory.  He reaches down to the vilest of offenders and isn’t appalled, but rather, is direct and speaks words of truth and love.  “My grace is sufficient for you,” He says to each one.  My response is, “I’m forever grateful for the cross,” as the song says it so well.

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Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this post. I would love to know what part you identify with in the reading of it. God bless you. Norma

Will the Real God stand UP

Belief and God

Do you ever think about why you believe in God or why you believe He is the real deal? We should know what validates our belief in God and what we believe proves His existence. Faith is part of this belief, but faith should not be blind acceptance. We should know why we believe what we believe. Belief, faith, knowledge, understanding, truth, guilt, acceptance, redemption, experience, inner soul cleansing and Spirit enlivening, spiritual transformation and renewal are part of this scenario.

There are a thousand and one reasons why I believe God is real.

I see God’s presence in the physical realm, the miracle of our bodies—their complexities—the depth we experience in our human souls are like strands in a braid, three areas weaving into one being within the confines of mind, body, and spirit intermixing—a mighty yet vulnerable natural human self with a spiritual supernatural relation with Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. That the human is made to desire more, and more, is another proof of a divine creating.

I observe the replicating work of God.

When one looks closely, they see brilliance in the way biological systems reproduce and follow lines of genetic design—the beauty and specificity, both intricate and complicated, and utterly amazing in magnificence and exquisite detail. I understand my frailty in contrast to God’s invincibility—He does what we cannot even conceive of doing. Those who look can see a soul set free of their human confines as they grasp onto the eternal Godhead, the tri-part God at work in the human life and earthly kingdom. They personalize it when they discover what life and living is about in the deeper sense of spiritual fullness and joy.

Most of all, the reason I believe in God is through His Word, His Truth, and His Life.

God’s living being is accessible when there is belief, but it is known and loved, when there is vital relationship. Pondering God and the things of God without limiting factors or human made constraints (rigid religiosity of belief, non-belief or unbelief) is the beginning of something rich and real that explodes internally when it is sought after. Looking at other people and their religious belief is the wrong view; they may be far off the mark.

Finding God on our own is the right view, and then it becomes personal.

What God touches has softness about it. God loving makes all things new. Harshness is not of God. Holiness is of God. God is no fool. What some might consider harsh, is an intention that honors purity and regard for that which speaks to God’s holiness and righteousness. Strength, courage, and hope are indicative of God and are traits His true followers possess when their focus is truly centered on and in God.

To see God, we must be open to seeing Him.

We live in an imperfect world. The reason people of faith disregard the possibility of a unloving God, who is unjust or unkind is because they know God is love and all He does is just. All areas of life retain structure. God cannot be something He is not. He always acts in character. Those who take the time and energy to know God in a personal way will be much changed. Their hearts are molded into God-likeness. Those who choose to disregard this truth will not understand what I am writing. They may believe the suffering is God’s fault. The pain in this world is not God’s fault. It is part of living in a fallen world.

Human suffering is part of living in a fallen, God-starved, world.

God does have a standard. Once we have a better grasp of who God is, the sooner we will see our way in making this world a better and safer world. We will also want to please God with the way we live our lives. God has made us to participate in close relationship with Him. Responsibility comes with this. His ways are supernaturally empowered. And it is a natural process. We won’t be trying to protect self or acting out of our fleshly state, we will be acting to promote peace in our world and in our human relationships.

“Peace on earth, good will toward men,” the angel’s sang.

The only good in this world comes from God. Without God there wouldn’t be any goodness, instead there would only be selfishness and ungodliness. The thing would implode for lack of righteousness and goodness. Goodness is a reflection of God’s nature and it makes everything better once one can see it.