What I’ve Learned about Thanksgiving

My Idahoan sister is getting the troupes together for Thanksgiving this year, here in California. I picked her up at the airport today. Three of my cousins and spouses with some of their grown children, my brother and his grown kids and their significant others, my folks, and my sister and her grown kids and son-in-law, and my other sister’s son, my nephew from Oregon and his family are all coming. It will be over thirty in number. I’m bringing the homemade pumpkin pie, homemade applesauce, a slow-baked ham, and who knows what else. Maybe a pecan pie. We’ll have lots of good food.

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Thanksgiving dinner at my house last year. We’re ready to pray.

The festivities are going to be at my folk’s house. It’s on a knoll out in the country, west of the Sacramento River. Mount Lassen and Mount Shasta are visible on a clear day. It is scenic and wonderful. We will eat around 2:00 but everyone will come an hour earlier to help out. I’ll bring Mother from the care home where she is living now. Tables will be connected and tablecloths and china will be set out. After the leisurely meal is  done, we will clear the plates and do the dishes. Dessert will wait for later.

Next comes singing. We will sing hymns and Christian music. My sister who usually plays the piano won’t be here this time, so I’m guessing my nephew or other sister will be on the piano. My sister-in-law will lead with her guitar, or maybe my brother-in-law. Most can sing and we do four-part harmonizing. I sing alto, Mom sings soprano, Dad sings bass, Paul is a baritone, and Juanita is soprano. Everyone else fits in somewhere. My brother-in-law has a nice tenor voice. It’s really quite lovely. My father particularly likes it when we sing as a family. This is what we do at Christmas, but no-one’s coming this year for the celebration.

After the singing, then comes pie. We usually have apple, pumpkin, berry, and lemon meringue…all homemade. We eat pie for like three days after. When desserts are done then it’s time for games like cards, Chinese checkers, dominoes or five straight. We’ll eat snacks and talk, laugh and tease. It is a good thing. Every year we wonder if we are at the end of this, because it can’t last forever. We know that each time we are together it is to be cherished. Last Christmas both our folks were recovering in rehab hospitals, and that is where we had Christmas together, singing in the rehab dining room.

I’ve learned that Thanksgiving is best when shared with people you love. It has a way of warming the heart.

When I was a teen I liked to toss the football with some of my siblings and cousins in my grandparents’ backyard. I had tomboy in me and could throw a decent spiral. When the meal was ready, a few words of thanks would be said. Sometimes we’d all contribute. Grandpa would say grace, and then we’d all dig in. I’d be at the kids table. My cousin could always get his sister to laugh just by looking at her. Later, she and I would play caroms or Rack-O. The family would have a delicious meal together and then kick back the rest of the day. It was what we did and was quite lovely. My cousins’ family drove ten hours to be there, arriving early Thanksgiving morning at my grandparents’ place. They were like best of friends to us. Family is tradition with us.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day. I mean that. It is important to remember the good things in life. God has taken us through another year. We are blessed by that even if its challenges were many. We have people who love us. There’s good food to eat. Music fills our souls with melody. Animal friends share their warmth with us. Babies and tots freely give their kisses and loves. Books offer us respite from the daily stuff. Caring friends are there to cheer us along. We see victories day after day, some small and some great.

I’ve learned it is important to celebrate the small successes and enjoy the sweet graces.

Remember to be thankful. Give thanks to God.

Blessings to you and yours,

Norma

What I Learned from My Grandparents, Parents, & Children

I am thankful for family.

My Parents, late Grandparents, and my children mean the world to me. I am a blessed woman. My grandparents and parents, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings collectively contributed to my life. You know when you are given a lot. I am in that category. Both sets of grandparents lived modest lives and they had similar values.

Family values are lived daily.

Ours was a family where you never heard a swear word, the adults rarely raised their voices, and alcohol and cigarettes were not part of the scene, neither was immodest dress or heavy make-up. Even greater than the outward expression of Christian beliefs and its matching lifestyle was the way the adults in my family lived out what they valued in the practical part of life. We were taught by example by all the key players in our lives. What they gave us was quality stuff.

Sunday morning. I'm in the yellow dress.

Sunday morning. I’m in the yellow dress.

General Familial Values

  • To all people, be kind and considerate in word and deed.
  • Be responsible for your choices and actions.
  • Exhibit self-control. Be in control of what you are doing.
  • Money is to be used wisely and frugally. Make good financial decisions, tithe to the church, and put away savings.
  • Think before you act. Make informed decisions in all areas of life.
  • Take your faith serious. God is to be loved, believed, honored and obeyed.
  • Make time for family meals around the table.
  • Music is a gift to be developed and shared, especially in the church.
  • Honesty is expected, respect is earned, integrity is essential.

And then I became a parent.

My Take on Raising Children and Grandchildren

Most of my parenting is finished, and my grand-parenting is just beginning. Parenting was a lot harder than I thought it would be, not because my children were wild or difficult but because the world is wild and difficult. I was intentional in my parenting and expected my children to meet my expectations, but I could get overwhelmed and frustrated. I learned as I grew as a mother, confidant, and mentor.

My children saw in me some of the same values with which I had been raised. My spirit is quiet and gentle, which meant I parented from that side of my personality. I wasn’t consistent one hundred percent of the time, but I gave it a lot of effort. It’s wonderful when you see your adult children incorporate values you instilled in them. I particularly like it when I see them act with kindness to the less fortunate and others they meet. All five of them have that trait in common, and they’re responsible individuals. My children, you bless me in so many ways.

What I learned as a parent.

Along with parenting come some lessons we as parents need to learn. Raising my children taught me several lessons such as:

  • Sometimes I need to get off my high horse.
  • I don’t know everything.
  • To slow down and take time for them.
  • To listen when they need it regardless of what else is pressing.
  • To affirm their uniqueness. To acknowledge their accomplishments. To praise their attempts to do well.
  • To admit when I’ve been wrong and offended their sensibilities.
  • To be realistic with my expectations instead of expecting perfection. They are much more than their performance.
  • Humility.
  • To pray, think, and be flexible in new and challenging ways.
  • There are going to be tears by you and anger by them.
1997, Chico, CA

1997, Chico, CA

Some of the values I put in place were a blending of my past but with incorporating some of my own take on what a child needs. I was rarely heard as a child because I was less vocal and timid…I didn’t try to be noticed. It was important to me to not only guide my children but to value them individually by listening to them and talking things over. I wanted them to get the one thing I didn’t get much of during my childhood. I don’t know if I was successful in this, but I tried to be.

Parenting Values

  • Know your child. Listen to the heart of your child. Pay attention to their level of frustration.
  • Be fair and kind. Incorporate fair measures for correction and discipline. Strive not to be harsh or demeaning. Do teach and expect respectful behaviors. (thank you)
  • Develop the whole person. Help your child understand life and its different dynamics. (this is fun)
  • Demonstrate love and acceptance. Talk with your children often and whenever there is an opening. (so important)
  • Provide opportunities for them to grow as individuals. Encourage reading, music, and artistry to develop these areas.
  • Set appropriate boundaries. Schedule all electronics/sports/other activities in manageable allotments.
  • Be an example. Teach by living out what you believe and incorporating it your own lifestyle.
  • Develop moral consciousness. Concepts of right and wrong are the parents’ responsibility to model and teach. (so important)
  • Help grow your child’s confidence. (this was not easy for me)
  • Love your children well even when they are adults. Skip the criticism and unsolicited advice. They need to figure it out.
  • Shower them with grace and goodness. Yay!

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During this Thanksgiving season let your family know you love them and what you appreciate about them. God bless you.

What are YOU thankful for this Thanksgiving?