Lois is my sister, and she was my friend. Today I honor her memory with Lois’ Song written by my cousin a decade before her death. The words are apropos for I’m thinking of her. It is September. I always think about her in September because that is when we lost her. I was a little mommy to her when she was a baby. We would play house together, me, the big sis, and she, the little sister. She was born in September. She died in September. I am not very fond of September.

Just over a week ago, on Labor Day, 2016, I drove to Stayton Cementary in Stayton, Oregon to visit my sister’s grave. Actually, to visit Lois because I miss her. It was a lovely day for a visit; perfect weather, quiet, pretty blue sky with a few white billowy clouds, peaceful. Our mind remembers and I am grateful for the memories. I pictured the mourners around her grave, for that was what we were that day in 1993, grief stricken and in shock and disbelief that this had happened. I couldn’t seem to stop weeping. My heart was so full and my pain was so great. It all came back and the sorrow touched me once again. It feels different now but a part of me departed with her those twenty-three years ago, never to be returned. That’s what love does to you.

Strong families are rare and we were a strong family. My parents were intentional in their parenting. But their spiritual side was the most important gift they gave us. Church was part of our weekly life. Dad farmed row crops, almond and walnut orchards. Mom cooked, gardened, canned, and sewed (most of our clothing and curtains, you name it, she could sew it . . . even making an umbrella for Dad’s D-4 Caterpillar tractor. We kids helped both Mother and Dad with all the busyness of farm life.

I remember my cousin Jerry wanted a few moments alone at her grave site after my siblings, me, and my parents had stepped aside. They were the babies in the Cripe and Brumbaugh families and shared some similar traits: quirky humor, quick intelligence, spunk and wit, and musical intelligence, both were talented and able to play by ear. Our parents were siblings, and we were a tight family. We spent most vacations together even though they had to drive 500 miles up to the Chico area. My cousins and their folks were with us as we caravaned to Oregon. I was writing what I would say at the next day’s service. It was difficult. Everyone respected our loss. We were trying to make sense of our loss. Why? What did we miss? Suicide is that way, it never makes sense. Other cousins were there, too. A blanket of sadness covered all of us. We lost her at age thirty-three. It is still difficult to talk about our family’s loss.

                   LOIS’ SONG

Were you to rise on the wings of the dawn
to the far side of the sea
Were you to sail like light through the heavens
I would go ahead, prepare your way
I’m thinking of you
I’m thinking of you.

Were you to say that night would hide me
I can see you in the darkness – shining like the day
Were you to say that I’d forgotten
Just because you can’t see me – remember
I’m thinking of you
I’m thinking of you.

Angels watch before and watch behind
And wrap their wings all about you
Till morning comes to chase
The shadows of the night away
I’m thinking of you
I’m thinking of you.

Were you to rise on the wings of the dawn
to the far side of the sea
Were you to sail like light through the heavens
I would go ahead, prepare your way
I’m thinking of you
I’m thinking of you.
Jerry Cripe, circa. 1982

JERRY CRIPE”S words about the song he wrote inspired by Lois’ favorite scripture passage:

“On college Winter Break in the early 1980’s, I gathered with the Brumbaugh and Cripe clans at our Grandparent’s home in Chico, California to celebrate Christmas. After much turkey and trimmings were consumed we caroled and exchanged gifts, but on this occasion before breaking off for the customary games, naps and kitchen cleanup, the cousins, parents, and grandparents remained by the tree to go around the circle allowing each a turn at sharing a favorite portion of Scripture. Of the 31,102 verses in the Bible I do not recall which one I chose, but Lois’ treasured selection stood out to me as the most prosaic of possibilities.

Later that morn I asked her in private how she came up with that priceless pericope and in her good humored way Lois confided that she had picked a read at random, but Psalm 139 was her best-loved passage of all. Thereafter, I, too, came to cherish the chapter, so much so that from it I penned the lyrics for a song originally titled ‘I’m Thinking of You’ and which later I changed to ‘Lois’ Song’.”

Were you to say that night would hide me
I can see you in the darkness – shining like the day
Were you to say that I’d forgotten
Just because you can’t see me – remember
I’m thinking of you
I’m thinking of you.

I leave you with a photo of her grave marker and a short word of sage advice. Love your children, your spouse, your parents and grandparents well. Say the words, I love you, when you part. Call or text them when they cross your mind. Give extra hugs and say those things you appreciate about them, they might not know the qualities you see in them. I called Lois the day she died, but it was already too late. My sister, Marilyn, and I had teamed up in prayer for her even though we lived in different states. We would try to pray for Lois at the same time every day knowing that scripture says God honors, “where two or three are gathered in His name.” We were concerned because we knew things were not as they should be and she was drifting, but we didn’t realize the true gravity of the situation. Lois was working a respectable job, was buying a house, and outwardly was successful. Marilyn and I and our children visited with Lois up in the Portland area a few weeks before she passed on. Our kids loved Aunt Lou because she was fun (and vivacious). Two of them stayed overnight with her. Lois talked kid language and goofed off with them. Marilyn and I talked with Lois some about what was going on in her life, but we didn’t push and we really didn’t know. It is hard when someone is losing their way and you don’t know what to do or what it is about. Embrace every opportunity for it may be your last. Regrets are punishing.

I have answers I didn’t have then. Please let me know if I can help you. Life is precious. Please know, I care.

ADDITIONAL LINKS

In Memory of My Little Sis, Lois Faith Brumbaugh, 1960-1993

Remembering My Younger Sister, Lois F. Brumbaugh

Suicide and the Christian Family

How to Respond after a Suicide