Although “Emily”and I have developed a secure friendship and have covered many difficult subjects, her struggle to overcome continues to defeat her. Now she is writing about her life for another book, which, again, opens her up for memories that hurt and revisit her. The good thing is that she is talking about it with me rather than ignoring it or doing something harmful.
The conversation continues.
Sometimes I look back at my life and see a trail of disappointments. Then I turn it around and see small and big steps forward and a scattering of accomplishments that made for a miracle, those achievements and graces that came through effort and blessing. I used to be afraid to speak up and had little or no confidence. It no longer hinders me. Unsettling self-doubt is still present, but I can get beyond it now.
The secret is to never stop learning and growing (and loving, and giving, and so forth). Never, never stop.
It is best to reach out of your shell to embrace living rather than to self-protect and close up.
Every day is a new slate that we fill in with things to do. My conversations with “Emily” were remarkable in and of themselves. I always enjoyed hearing from her. I can honestly say, I never got irritated with her and never felt over-taxed.
JUST PLAIN SCARED: CONVERSATIONS WITH EMILY (21)
I still am thankful for the year we spent talking back and forth. We both learned from it.
A week ago I told you about the lady who got my attention when she said that she was not wanted by her mother. Another story was happening at that same event. You might enjoy hearing this one too.
I noticed her when I entered the multipurpose room where she was talking with a couple of ladies. New dark blue jeans, a comfortable cotton top, no make-up, shawl on her shoulders, long wavy brunette with strands of gray hair pulled half-way up in a net, her carriage, thin and graceful. She was an attractive woman but edgy. Her clothing made me think of a hippy from back in the day, an artist type. There was something about her dress and the way she carried herself that had a bit of mystique. I would come to find out she was living out of her car. The women were introducing themselves. She smiled and thanked them for inviting her to the lunch. The other ladies were in church clothes, most in dresses. The room’s decorations were elegant. Each circular table had a china setting and flowers. Tea pots were part of the decor. It was an elegant Tea for the women and daughters who had gathered for the occasion. A friend had invited me to speak for the event but this was my first visit to the church.
My daughter, mother, and me at the event a few years ago.