Although “Emily”and I have developed a secure friendship and have covered many difficult subjects, her struggle to overcome continues to defeat her. Now she is writing about her life for another book, which, again, opens her up for memories that hurt and revisit her. The good thing is that she is talking about it with me rather than ignoring it or doing something harmful.
JUST PLAIN SCARED: CONVERSATIONS WITH EMILY
The conversation continues.
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April 6, 20**
04/06/20** 8:19pm
Emily: just ok’d the edits for the chapter i submitted last week…i wanna throw up!
Me: Why?
Emily: scared…totally vulnerable…might as well run around town naked
Me: Yes. That’s how my kids feel when I write, even though I’m kind. Does it have your name?
Emily: yes
Me: Yep. Did you pray over it?
Emily: yup
Me: Now it’s in God’s hands. Who is writing the book?
Emily: “Dee” has gathered 30 women to each write a chapter
Me: Is she part of “Jennifer’s” team?
Emily: she and jennifer partnered for her, Dee’s, last book a couple years ago
Me: I see. I don’t know Dee.
Emily: national christian women entrepreneurs
NACWE…national association of christian women entrepreneurs
Me: I didn’t know there was such a thing. Wow.
Emily: https://www.facebook.com/NACWE or nacwe.org
Me: I will check it out. Thx
Emily: just joined last May
Me: Did you join to network with other ladies?
Emily: ya. other like minded
Me: Yes. I suppose it’s been beneficial.
Emily: some
would u pray tonight
Me: Yes.
Emily: I’m sure its just the enemy as i submitted final copy, but still managing my body feeling or reliving stuff tonight
Me: Ok. I want you to try something. When the bad thoughts come, tell Satan you know it’s him trying to scare you, that you’re onto him. Tell him he has no power over you and to take a hike. if you’ve done this before, do it again. Say it out-loud.
Emily: i’ll try…just wanna run & am numb
Me: Of course you are sensitive right now. The evil has been remembered. I even feel it when I read people’s stories. I felt it with our blogs for Jennifer, that the emphasis was getting to be too much on the pain not enough on God’s victory.
Father, bind Emily’s mind to the mind of Christ. Loose her from any lies or influences from Satan and his traps. Set her free, completely free. Send your Holy Spirit in power and love to flow peace through her body and soul. Amen
Awaken, my friend. Be comforted.
Emily: so wish we could pray together in person…gonna try to get some sleep tonight…THANK YOU
Me: Amen. Much love, sweet Emily.
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April 9, 20**
04/09/20** 10:56am
Me: You are a treasure. God has been with you throughout your journey. He’s so gracious. Just reread your story as part of this week’s lesson. So weird to be personally acquainted with the person I’m reading about. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable by sharing your story. It is sure to help others. One of the women in my study group is trying to reinvent her life. She is 35. It is a big spiritual battle for her, many woundings and strongholds. I am thankful that God is leading this study, not me. Otherwise I’d be scared of saying the wrong thing.
Blessings to you as always. N
April 11, 20**
04/11/20** 11:44am
Emily: hey
Me: Hey
Emily: Could use prayer if u have a moment
04/11/20** 2:15pm
Me: Will pray.
Emily: ty
scrolling through my newsfeed i just saw pic on a friend’s page of her and her bro for sibling day…totally triggering as her bro is one of my abusers…i just wanna throw up!
Me:
That was a jolt outta the blue. Suggestion. Pray a blessing on him. Leave it with God. Bless those that curse you. Only possible through Jesus.
Emily: do i have to?
do NOT want to
just wanna curl up in a ball and cry or sleep
or maybe cry self to sleep
Me: Well, nope, you don’t have to. Crying helps. Then lift it to God.
Emily: no and no and no
Me: Well, you must confront it, not avoid it. Where we are wounded we must seek deep healing, and then freeing. It was no accident that you saw his pic. It was a dare. Are you going to engage in your healing or are you going to submerge in your pain? Only you can face this, I can only pray. I see where you are locked in a cage, unable to free yourself. You can walk free. Believe this. Believe.
Going to get G. Be back in 20 min.
Emily: i will never be free of this
i gave in…doesn’t matter anymore
Me: At the school waiting. Of course it matters. Don’t stop believing… as the song says. I know you can be free.
Emily, you need someone praying you through this. Asking God to give you healing words that speak.
Emily: don’t waste ur time
Me: What is this?
Emily: me on a bad day
sorry
Me: Emily, Emily.
Emily: whatever
seriously…forget about it…
tomorrow’s a new day
Me: Sorry I didn’t give you much empathy. Well, sorta sorry. It’s just such a lovely day! Wish you could Enjoy it!
Emily: started lovely here, but has gotten colder and cloudier
Me: Perfect weather in Chico. Gotta call my tax accountant now. Just lovely.
Emily: have fun…i’m working on my taxes this weekend too, UG
04/11/20** 6:33pm
Me: I have two businesses now: writing and farming. So I pay someone to figure it out for me.
Emily: ya…that’ll prob be next yr…f/t employment along with (my two side businesses) right now…maybe writing or ministry by next yr
lots to keep track of
Me: Yes! I hope to have two more books published by then.
Emily: that’d be AWESOME!!!!
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April 14, 20**
04/14/20** 8:31pm
Emily: how was ur night?
Me: Ok. I’m being lazy
Emily: i owe u an apology for the other day…i’m sorry u were on the receiving end of my bad day
Me: At least you can be crabby with me.
Can I be nosy? Did you ever hear back from that guy?
Emily: which guy? there r a few of them that have surfaced recently
Me: Really! The first one.
The date!
Emily: oh, the date…he’s liked some of my posts on fb and i have some of his, but nothing more has come from it
he doesn’t live in the area though…his parents do.
Me: The April Fool’s guy (a hulk, photo on FB), now that was a cute joke.
Emily: oh him…ya, he’s fictitious
just a guy i found online
Me: I once knew a guy like that, 15 years younger than me. He was either a very wonderful Christian or a super good con. He kept pursuing (long distance). Boy, could he pray. I loved to listen to him.
We would skype.
Ok….
Emily: ok, what?
Me: I’m being stupid.
Emily: lol
k
Me: I am feeling spring fever. Don’t want to study for my bible study tomorrow.
Pretty bad when the leader is that way.
Emily: na…just that time of yr
Me: I pulled some weeds in the backyard, so I did something worthwhile today.
How’s “Isaac” doing?
Emily: good…on spring break
Me: Nice
Emily: no…u were right…ice…snowed today! UG!
Me: Oh my. We’re in the 80s. Move to Calif.
Emily: i’m soooooo there!
Me: I have a new prayer request. I really need someone to help me with my computer stuff. I spend tons of time trying to figure things out …with moderate success. I want someone who can come over and help me. I’ve been relying on my son but I think its time to do it differently. He’s willing but I think I need someone who lives here.
Emily: so THAT’S why u want me to move there!?
um…u know i work in IT, right?
Me: I just want to be moving forward but I stay stagnate. Of course it could be the Lord, not the right time.
It gets frustrating at times.
Emily: i believe it
Me: Ain’t getting any younger either.
Emily: age has nothing to do with it…all about willingness to learn, my friend
Me: I’ve been learning. It’s crazy how much I’ve learned. But I still spin my wheels and run into roadblocks. Enough of my complaining. Gotta get focused on my lesson. I just need to review it. I prepared it last Wed.
Emily: then get to it!
Me: Ok. You be good. Nice talking with you. Later…
Emily: adios, cinnamon toast
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Next week will be our last installment of Conversations with Emily.
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