My story is a little different. The changes in me came as a result of a vow and a list.
Both the vow and the list were promises I made to God from out of a wounded heart and after years of struggle. I decided that I would use anything God wanted to do in me or reveal to me for His glory, and to help others who suffer in silence.
I made the vow in February, a week after my mate chose to leave our marriage of twenty-one years. This vow was the first step that essentially opened the door for my transformation to begin.
My first journal entry.
Gracious Father, Work on my heart and mind. Help me to learn to listen. Help me to push past my fear and to have eyes to see. I want to see Jesus. May my reality adjust and readjust as my vision for you changes. May I see you alone. May the work you are doing in me be used outwardly to minister to others. I seek you and you alone.”
Two months later in April, 2002: The next big step occurred when I made a commitment to change, which impacted and revolutionized my life. It was what happened after I wrote the list, which would forever change my life. The key, why it worked and impacted my life was in its intention. I made a purposed choice and surrendered my stuff, all of it with no exceptions, to God. It was radical
The list was written by me on the day I was served divorce papers. It was my forty-sixth birthday. I submitted the list to God in a prayer, asking Him to do something I could not do on my own. I was on empty. I had done everything the best way I knew how–and it had never been enough.
The list was a declaration of what I wanted God to do in my life and with a plea for Him to change me. For all my trying I hadn’t been able to save my marriage, now I wanted God to save me from defeat and despair and from becoming a bitter old woman.
1. God first in everything. I want His power and strength in all I do. I want to change.
2. Healing in my emotions and deep inner spirit. I want to be free. I want joy.
3. Be myself. Let go of the chains and conflicts that bind me.
4. Become more self-decisive, less worried about what others think.
5. Develop more honest “transparent-real” friendships with godly people.
6. Seek deliverance from the bondage I’ve been under.
7. Pray for repentance which brings godliness, for wellness in all areas of my being.
8. Pray for God to change me. I will pray for awareness and humbling.
I sought God for all I was worth. He initiated change in me. Surprisingly (or not so surprising), every one of the items on the list became true in my life. I received a full, spiritual beauty make-over!
God can take a broken person and breathe life into them. His life becomes their life. His Spirit renews and heals their spirit. These days I can not imagine living without God. He has become my breath and being, my sustenance and joy. It is hard to explain how even the simplest of common things, like a dainty wildflower, can reduce me to tears of wonderment and joy.
When we give God access to our lives, what God gives to us is His love. We, in return, receive a beautiful heart. After the healing transformation has begun, our hearts becomes free to love in a new way. Because of its swelling abundance it must share its love. It becomes an outworking of the love God has given us which replicates through us in an a sundry of ways.
God makes something beautiful out of something ordinary. He is that way. We must trust Him for the journey. I must say, though, it rarely is easy, and we are desperate at times. Yet, He walks with us right in step … even when we can’t see him through the fog of circumstances.
It is a privilege to help a Christian sister or brother who is going through the fire, to encourage them, to tell them that they will make it and life will get better because you know it is true, you have lived it. The more real God becomes the better it gets, even through the difficulties and heartaches. He touches us where we need touching, in our deep inner places. He frees us through his love, forgiveness, and life.
Because of love, true love, God gives us the most gorgeous valentine of them all and its words say, “I LOVE YOU!” He does love you, and He is crazy about you. Believe it and embrace it.
I’d love to hear from you. Have you had a defining moment when God did an amazing work in you?